When Paula Abdul sang “Forever your girl,” she meant it…
March 7th, 2008 by Talmudge Huxley
The last time Paula Abdul had a hit single, the year was 1995. Hannah Montana was still in diapers, Staind referred to a blue dress, and an MP3 was a sexual position. In the fast-changing world of pop music, it’s the equivalent of a century ago, making Paula Abdul the dance-music equivalent of Susan B. Anthony.
But will the passage of time stop the 45-year-old Paula Abdul from trying to be relevant? Hell, no! Convinced that her token presence on American Idol means that America really cares about the words coming out of her mouth, Paula recently released a dreadful comeback single, “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow.” Predictably, it sucked. (Watch the whole miserable video here.)
Still deluded, possibly due to an overstocked medicine cabinet, Miss Abdul is now planning to record a new album (if by “record,” you mean getting a bunch of B-list producers to donate their lamest beats for Ms. Abdul to caterwaul over.) Included on the album will be remixes of some of her old hits. Turns out that when Paula sang “Forever Your Girl” twenty years ago, it wasn’t a promise. It was a threat.
Tracks from the forthcoming Abdulmatic include: “Rush Rush (Me to the E.R. Because I Overdosed),” “Cold Hearted (and Warmed Over),” and “Straight Up (Unlike My Boobs).”
No word yet on a reunion duet with MC Skat Cat.
This entry was posted on Friday, March 7th, 2008 at 7:06 pm and is filed under Hot News, Paula Abdul. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
March 9th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
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March 9th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
When Paula Abdul sang Forever your girl, she meant it…
The last time Paula Abdul had a hit single, the year was 1995. Hannah Montana was still in diapers, Staind referred to a blue dress, and an MP3 was a sexual position. In the fast-changing world of pop music, the equivalent of a century ago, making Pau…
March 9th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
When Paula Abdul sang Forever your girl, she meant it – Sex Lies and Hollywood – celebrity news,…
The last time Paula Abdul had a hit single, the year was 1995. Hannah Montana was still in diapers, Staind referred to a blue dress, and an MP3 was a sexual position. In the fast-changing world of pop music, the equivalent of a century ago, making Pau…