The last time we saw Danny Bonaduce on a VH1 reality show, he was desperately trying to kick drugs and remain faithful to his long-suffering wife, Gretchen. Even by reality TV standards, Breaking Bonaduce was a train wreck.

So when VH1 was looking for a celebrity to dispense advice to young children for a new reality show about showbiz, who better than the anger-challenged, drug-addled, sex-addicted Danny Bonaduce?

On VH1’s upcoming I Know My Kid’s a Star, Danny will look for children with star potential and then provide “expert advice” to their parents. Not since Britney’s day care for preschoolers or Lindsay’s chastity club has a celebrity endorsement and a business endeavor been so tragically mismatched.

Still we’ll watch, because we’re dying to hear some of Danny’s words of wisdom to the young boys and girls like “Don’t snort coke off a hooker’s ass on an empty stomach” and “Never pay your dealer with a debit card.”

Those kids will never be the same.

Orlando Sentinel