At age 44,  she has appeared in her first nude scenes in The Proposal.  Sandra said appearing in the buff helped the film do well in America and pledged to bare all well into old age.  She said:  “Box office like this – I’m going to be naked in every single film!  I’m going to be 70 years old – everything like hanging down – and I’m just going to walk by in random people’s films. Come on, can you imagine me at 70, walking naked in who’s film? Zac Efron! Zac Efron doing a big film – there I am, running naked in the background. Just back and forth until someone notices. Big box office - they’re all going to want me in their film!’
You have to love this girl! 

Daily Mail

HBO is already working with Warner Brothers to develop a sequel to the “Sex and the City” movie.  According to sources close to the production, “there is enormous interest” on the part of Warner Brothers.   Lest we fall behind the other media outlets in the quest to publicize the 2009 or 2010 or 2011 release of “SATC: The Second Time Lasts Longer” or “SATC: The Second Coming” or whatever creepy name they give it, let’s quickly come up with some inane and meaningless stories that we can use to keep the girls in the press: 

Sarah Jessica Parker:  “When I was growing up, I was ashamed of my feet.”   

Cynthia Nixon:  “I think me being a lesbian has turned my cat into a lesbian – when other female cats go into heat, she can’t stay away.”  

Kristen Davis:  “I find doing crafts is very erotic.” 

Kim Cattrall:  “My vagina is writing a children’s book.”    

 herald sun

According to Page Sex, two of the gals from “Sex and the City” have followed up their movie with plastic surgery.  Last week Cynthia Nixon has had breast implants and Kristen Davis had surgery to remove varicose veins.   Unfortunately Sarah Jessica Parker’s doctor said she was beyond hope and she was destroyed trackside. 

New York Magazine

Scandal on the Sex and the City front!  It turns out Sarah Jessica Parker wore a dress to the Sex and the City premiere that had already been worn by someone to a ball on May 5!!!   In a related story, it turned out every man who went to the premiere wore the same expression they did when they heard that OJ was innocent – queasy bewilderment.     NY Times

It’s the big Sex and the City premiere in New York City, and menfolk are hiding in bunkers as mobs of tipsy trollops take over the town.   Good news for Gotham — the floozies flooding into town from as far away as Asia are snapping up shoes, dinners, and premium cocktails at a feverish rate.  “This is great for the economy,” said a source close to the Mayor’s office as he held up a commemorative t-shirt saying “WHORES MEAN BUSINESS.”   “These roundheels are not just stimulating their vaginas, they’re stimulating the economy.”  

The positive impact hasn’t been lost on the tourism boards of other U.S. cities, and officials are already taking action to re-create it; according to sources, some cities have actually taken to recruiting wagtails.  According to a highly ranked source in the Minneapolis mayor’s office, an Iowa cheerleader known as “Easy Eva” shirked plans to go to Florida State and instead accepted a cash “skankership” to sleep her way around St. Paul.  “If we can establish a strong grassback culture in the Twin Cities, hopefully Hollywood will take notice and we can enjoy the same kind of economic stimulus as New York.”      

telegraph

That’s 48 hours or 2880 minutes or 4000 orgasms!!!!  I don’t think we need any more proof that straight men definitely don’t control the media!!!!  Do we!!!!For a hetero guy to have half the movie-boner women do over Sex and the City, it would take a $180 million Michael Bay movie called “Super Bowl!” that would be somehow set on Omaha Beach and show Osama being nuked live and serve moviegoers roasted turkey legs and Heineken and feature live cheerleaders in theaters that the guys in the audience could control the nudity of (sorry I know that ended with a preposition but I got myself kind of excited.)   

By waving your Cannes around London, of course!   

The premiere is just ten days away and it’s building and building and I’m so excited I can’t stand it. Right now as I watch the trailer on TV and read an article about Kim Cattrall’s childhood, it’s like the marketing department is kissing the nape of my neck, tantalizing me … they know how to take their time, make me wait while I build to a frenzy of desire… Wednesday when Kristen Davis reveals the details of her peanut allergies to “OK” it’ll be like a foot massage… Friday when SJP reveals that her best friend growing up was Presbyterian, it’ll be like a thousand kisses on my thighs, each one making me scream with passion… next Tuesday when I learn from a source close to Cynthia what shoes she’ll be wearing to the NY premiere my pulse will be racing, like I’m watching my honeymoon chocolate fountain be delivered to the bedroom… when on Thursday I get a look at SJP’s dress I’ll feel like my clothes are being peeled off, a stitch at a time… and then Friday – MAY 30! — after all this time and anticipation, finally the consummation… which better not be impotent and disappointing and forgettable, or it’ll leave me feeling really frustrated and crabby and irritable after all that buildup.    

I’m not fortunate enough to have a vagina but if I did it would be screaming “ADD COOLANT!  I’M GONNA BOIL OVER!”   It’s crazy – SJP wore a green hat to the London premiere, and Kim Cattrall went barefoot, and the two hate each other so much they made a spectacle of themselves!   Plus — spoiler alert – they’re going to have a lot of purses and a lot of drinks and they’ll talk about men the way they believe men talk about women in locker rooms and everybody will laugh and cry a lot but at the end of the day they’ll just have more wrinkles and more shoes but I won’t know the details because I’m vagina-deficient so I’m going to stay home and watch that show about the guys who go fishing for giant crabs. 

Only three weeks until the Sex and the City premiere!   21 days and counting, and America’s collective vagina can hardly contain its excitement.   In fact the hormonal pull of this movie is so strong that gynecologists are reporting national changes in ovulation schedules; a source close to The New England Journal of Medicine called Sex and the City “the ultimate dominant menstruator,” and predicts the moon could actually be pulled slightly off axis the weekend of the premiere. 

The New York Post Page Six ran a big piece with lots of juicy details about the upcoming Sex And The City movie, with a huge “spoiler alert” warning.   Even so, the Post was a little sparing in their spoilers – they only kind of teased the spoilers.   If you want the movie really spoiled, keep reading. 

THE POST’S SPOILER:  There’s a moment in the movie when Carrie Bradshaw is lounging in a cliff-top Mexican villa, overlooking the ocean.  She checks for voicemail on her pink Swarovski-encrusted cellphone, and sees there’s a message is from Mr. Big.   Carrie throws her phone off the cliff into the ocean.  THE FULL SPOILER:  Carrie’s motivation:  after catching a donkey show in Tijuana the night before, Mr. Big didn’t seem so big any more.  Carrie rings the room service bell and has Eeyore brought to her room for another round. 

THE POST’S SPOILER:  There are fashion tie-ins with scads of glamorous sponsors including YSL, Oscar, Ferragamo, Zac, Dior, Skyy Vodka, Mercedes-Benz, and Tiffany.  THE FULL SPOILER: Product tie-ins are no surprise because after all, who knows how to whore better than a bunch of whores?   The movie works in several surprise sponsorships, however, including one for AARP’s new Valtrex For Seniors and the first-ever Depends thong, in eleven rambunctious colors. 

THE POST’S SPOILER TEASER:  At least one of the women will grapple with infidelity.  THE FULL SPOILER:  What a shocker!   There’s a skanky ho in the movie!   

NY Post

That’s right – 49 days until the Sex and the City movie opens and we can stop hearing about who’s wearing what shoes in the movie and who’s wearing what purse to the opening and whose limo will arrive first at the premiere and for God’s sake we can stop having to think about a bunch of peri-menopausal grassbacks tittering about weiners while the scrotal-soft turkey skin dangling from their chins and arms flaps over their martinis like a “Going Out Of Business” banner.  Then, it’s just a matter of hoping the movie tanks so there isn’t a sequel where they Botox their vaginas and talk about how all the men at the assisted living center have pendulous testicles.   But we’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. 

The Sex and the City movie isn’t due out until May 30 and already newspapers, magazines, TV tabloids and the internet are awash in speculation and chatter about what fashions and shoes Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall will be wearing in the film.   And according to informed sources, all the press coverage is having an unexpected effect:  heterosexual men in droves are flocking to medical facilities in hopes of finding a way to hibernate, live in suspended animation, or be frozen through the end of June.   According to a medical administrator at an unnamed Chicago Institute, “They feel like they’re being tortured at Abu Gay.   If straight men can’t find a way to shut off their sense receptors and drown out the mind-numbing shoe-natter, we’re going to have a situation that’ll make Jonestown look like child’s play.”