She’ claims she’s really not a bimbo.  Yes, she’s wealthy, thin, well dressed and and loves a party but she claims she’s just misunderstood.  Paris said  “I think a lot of people have seen me on The Simple Life and think I’m a spoilt airhead.  But I was playing a character.  The producers said they wanted Nicole and I just to be crazy and funny and say outlandish things. I’m a lot more serious and shy … and if I’m not out, having to be, you know, “on”, I’m at home just chilling and wearing sweat pants.”  

So how does she explain the sex videos, the wreckless driving while intoxicated, violating parole, arriving late for court, the endless partying, being paid to show up for events, and the list goes on.  Now, rumors abound that the “serious and shy” Paris Hilton  has a new sex tape of herself. The shocking footage claims to show Paris in a ‘’state of arousal in a New York Taxi,” according to an explosive new book Six Degrees of Paris Hilton by Mark Ebner.If the cabbie story turns out to be true, it will be the third racy tape to be leaked, including “the original” one shot by her then boyfriend Rick Salomon in 2004 and one that showed her fooling around naked in a bath in 2007.  Does she really think anyone is buying the story that she is serious and shy.  Well, they say a sucker is born every minute.

Daily Mail

The Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue in LA should get a prize from animal lovers. Over the weekend, Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot and decided she wanted a puppy in the picture with her.  The heiress waltzed in and tried to buy a Yorkie but was rebuffed by an employee who said it was clearly “an impulse buy.” Hilton started screaming, “I love my puppies!  I want my baby!” – but to no avail. The store had no comment, but a canine actuary who overheard the event seemed relieved.  “Statistically, that puppy would have a better chance of living to adulthood if it was sold to a street-kebob vendor in Tijuana, or to Michael Vick,” said the actuary.   “Paris’s purse for a puppy is like a dark hallway for a co-ed during the first ten minutes of a “Friday the 13^th” movie – you see them go in there and you say ‘adios, cutie.’”       

Times of India

Paris Hilton has dissed her celubutard sisters, and the fur is flying!   When two Las Vegas drive-time DJ’s asked Paris about Kim Kardashian’s rump, Paris said “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.” Hilton also badmouthed Jessica Simpson’s double D breasts, saying, “I like how mine is [sic], I don’t like big boobs. I think they’re too … big.”  A spokesman for Kardashian said Kim didn’t want to get in a game of playground name-calling.  The spokesperson went on to say, however, “we should note that Paris’s vagina could be used as a boat slip.   It’s appropriate she’s named Paris because she bakes baguettes in that thing, five at a time.  She hires out her cameltoe at Sturgis as a motorcycle stand.”  The spokesperson want on to wish Paris the best because, “I heard she checked into Cedars yesterday to have some stalagmites removed.” 

NDTV

Paris Hilton recently came out and stated that 90% of the things written about her on the Internet are untrue.  Okay, dear reader, guess whether the following is in the 10% that’s true or the 90% that’s in the putrid dripping swamp of lies:  

According to sources close to the socialite and her family, Paris recently became obsessed with James Dean after her mother screened “Rebel Without A Cause” during a family reunion.   When Paris found out that the film legend has a twin brother who’s alive and healthy and living in Indiana, she became so obsessed with having a baby with Dean’s DNA that she offered his brother $50,000 for a donation of his sperm.  

(This one’s in the 90% that’s false – a relief for motorists everywhere, no doubt.)

UK tabloid The Sun has reported that when Paris Hilton was asked in Johannesburg this weekend what she thought of South Africa, she answered: “I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”  Oddly, despite the heiress’s extremely limited understanding of African geography, she was able to tell Scotch whiskey from Irish, Jamaican marijuana from Hawaiian, Polish vodka from Russian, and a rich Italian guy from a rich Greek guy just by the smell of his testicles. 

the times

Paris Hilton’s feet attracted attention from paparazzi yesterday for all the wrong reasons — they’re nasty as hell, and freaking enormous!   Further investigation revealed that the heiress wears an Allen Iverson-worthy Size 11!   Maybe that explains the vacant look in her eyes – those flippers are bogarting the blood so her brain doesn’t get any.  Good God, those dogs are so ugly the SPCA wouldn’t rescue them — Estelle Getty doesn’t wear plunging necklines and for the same reason, Paris should put on some socks, and keep them on. 

Daily Mail

 Paris, a quick thought about sequence:  maybe if you’d done this magazine cover first, then the cabaret act where your dress slid down and exposed your breasts, then the limo ride where your dress slid up and exposed your vagina, then the sex tape, you could have sustained our interest.  But when you do the sex tape first, it takes all the magic out of seeing you scantily clad — kind of like when you have sex with a guy and his frat brothers and his rescued Australian shepherd first, then you become the coquette who doesn’t kiss on a first date.   The expression “ass backwards” might come to mind, but we saw you displaying that position about 4 years ago.   wa!eg.com

In yet another milestone in her celebrated quest for spiritual enlightenment, Paris Hilton had an appointment with a Hindu holy man this past weekend in Los Angeles.  She and the swami went to the Bodhi Tree Book Store in West Hollywood for copies of “The Path of The Painted Shaman,” and “Wisdom of Buddha” and then headed to the Urth Café.   Media insiders are desperately hoping that Paris converts, just so they’ll be able to call her Ravi Chancre. 

 Daily Star

Paris Hilton is returning to reality television with a show that will be about her search for a new best friend.  “Paris is tired of the haters,” a source told Usmagazine.com.   “She’s looking for someone new and cool who she can trust.”   A source close to the Hilton family expressed enthusiasm over the decision.  “Thank God that Paris is doing it this way,” said the source.  “Facebook and Craigslist are so antiquated and impersonal – if Paris wants to find a BFF who’ll really warrant the ‘F’s that stand for ‘friend’ and ‘forever,’ there’s no question a reality show is the place to find it.”   Paris is said to be enthusiastic about the project, though she allegedly told producers that if they’re really serious about finding her a worthwhile friend, they should offer the winner a $1 million first prize. 

Us Magazine

According to a source close to Paris Hilton, the hotel heiress was devastated after being told she couldn’t attend the prestigious event on Sunday night.  “She’s desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with film executives,” claimed the insider.   When questioned as to why Paris had been banned, a spokesman for the Oscar committee refused to answer, but implied that “the closest she’ll ever get to the Oscars is if she has sex with the fire marshal.” 

news24.com

As Paris Hilton’s birthday celebration entered its fourth grueling month in Las Vegas this weekend, concerned federal agencies considered stepping in to curtail the expanding swath of environmental destruction.  Authorities tallied the damage wreaked by the gala, which has no apparent end in sight:  

·         The celebration has spanned 22 states and 37 cities, nearly as many as the presidential candidates.  Private jets, limousines, and automobiles have traveled an estimated 110,000 miles, pouring 38 tons of cardon dioxide into the atmosphere; paparazzi and publicists tracking Paris have traveled an estimated 700,000 miles, creating 231 tons of CO2.

·         Five distilleries have been working full-time to produce enough vodka for Paris and her entourage, belching 20 tons of CO2 into the atmosphere.   Additionally, smoke from candles on hundreds of birthday cakes have added another 3200 pounds of carbon dioxide into the ozone.  

·         Since the celebration began, Paris has worn 157 different outfits, costing the lives of hundreds of cattle and tens of thousands of silkworms; manufacture and delivery of the clothing has burned a staggering 3000 gallons of diesel fuel, and laundry another 600.  

·         55,000 gallons of fuel oil have been burned to make the plastic for water bottles consumed by Paris, her entourage, and the pursuing press, and 1400 more gallons to make the latex to provide Paris with condoms and rubber underwear for after-parties. 

According to experts, if Paris Hilton wanted to carbon neutralize her birthday celebration, she’d have to plant enough trees to fill the Willamette National Forest, which stretches for 110 miles along the western slopes of the Cascade Range in western Oregon. 

Daily Mail

In Malibu (where she rented a house for the summer), Paris dressed her Yorkie puppy in a leopard print frock which matched her swimsuit and shorts in the same fabric.  I see a new trend starting. 

Daily Mail

Paris Hilton took the time out of her busy schedule to post on her blog a 4th of July message:

“Hey everyone! I’m back from my much needed vacation in Maui. It was so beautiful and relaxing. But its good to be home again. I just want to thank you all for your letters of love and support. I am doing my best to respond to each and every one with the letter I wrote–that message was for fans like you who have supported me through it all.

I wanted to let you all know that I’m going to be updating my myspace and writing in more cause I haven’t done it in awhile. The past month has inspired me to move forward with some exciting new projects, so I will keep you all posted.

Happy 4th of July everyone, and remember to be responsible and have a designated driver! Just looking out for you all. I love you and have an amazing summer!

xoxo
Paris
Myspace

Amazing story but supposedly true.  A source says “There have already been negotiations with a major film company to make the Paris Hilton biopic with Lindsay Lohan playing Paris  with Britney Spears singing the soundtrack.”  I love it!  What fun.  Three trainwrecks together. 

New Zealand Herald

“Don’t serve the time; let the time serve you. I have a new outlook on life” said the heiress. Looking very good after spending 23 days in jail she seemed sincere in wanting to change. But she did get extensions put in, was in full make up and wearing a lovely dress. Although she feels her incarceration was unwarranted, she believes God had a reason for putting her there. Maybe she can start to be a good influence and role model for girls and teach them there is more to life than drinking, partying and dressing well. Who knows.

She admitted that “I’ve been through a lot and it was a pretty traumatic experience.” Larry King naturally did not ask her anything about the $1 million deal to talk on NBC. We wouldn’t want to ask her any difficult questions. Paris said the time in jail “gave me, you know, a time-out in life to really find out what’s important and what I want to do, figuring out who I am. And I’m — even though it was really hard, I took that time just to get to know myself.” Let’s all hope so.

CNN

Transcript of Larry King Live interview

Let’s all rejoice.  The heiress is out of jail after 23 days of being locked up.  She looks so good!  Her hair is darker (she needs to do those roots) but her smile is genuine. She shooks hands with her fans in the crowd as she walked past photographers.  It was a rock star welcome.  Amazing.  Can’t wait to hear what she has to say on Larry King and what, if anything, she has learned from this experience. 

Access Hollywood

Maybe Paris is changing.  It seems Paris turned down a chance to pose nude for Playboy and boss Hugh Hefner is blaming mama.  He was willing to pay top dollar naturally.  Hefner said: “I think the problem quite frankly is Mama. Mama doesn’t want her to pose.”  Well, good for mama.  Usually her mother supports her doing anything.   Meanwhile, everyone can see her naked anyway on her sex tape and some of the picture she has posed for are practically nude.  Paris doesn’t need the money, so why should she do this.  Maybe she really is thinking while in jail.  We will see. 

The Sun  

Paris Hilton statement:  “Today, I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge’s decision. While I greatly appreciate the sheriff’s concern for my health and welfare, I intend to serve my time at L.A. County Jail. Being in jail is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to think and I believe that I am learning and growing from this experience.” Hilton said she was “shocked” by the attention her case has received and suggested the public and media focus on “more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq.”

Wow!  Maybe she really is growing up and facing her responsibilities.  Remember why she is in this situation: she failed a sobriety test after police saw her weaving down a street in her Mercedes-Benz on what she said was a late night run to a hamburger stand.  She pleaded no contest to reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months’ probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines. Of course, she never had the time to go for alcohol education.  In the months that followed, she was stopped twice by officers who discovered her driving on a suspended license. 

She could have killed someone.  Reckless driving killed 17,941 people in 2006.  That’s a horrific number.  Paris, you could have been responsible for one.  You were lucky. 

 More related Paris Hilton stories on Talk Entertainment (www.talkentertainment.com)

Fox News

Well, the socialite and heiress and sometime actress is certainly going to learn about the simple life in jail. Paris Hilton is back behind bars.  Either she is a better actress than we all thought or she was really stunned and shocked that for once in her pampered rich life she didn’t get away with something.  It’s probably also the first time anyone said no to her.  She was screaming and wailing for her mommy.  “Mom!  Mom! It’s not right. Mom!”.  Well, Paris a lot of things in life are not right.  And you are finding out about one of them.  She was weeping and sobbing as deputies led her out of the courtroom.  

Originally she was going to phone in and talk to the Judge.  Huh.  Who does that?   Judge Michael Sauer (who can believe they found a Judge like this in California) is tough.  When the Judge insisted she show up in court, Sheriff Lee Baca sent cars to get her at at mansion or for one day called her prison.  Maybe this will send a lesson to other celebrities and to other young people.  Obeying the law is important.  A DUI is important.  She pleaded guilty.  She then drove when she had her license suspended.  She then violated her probation.  She is just lucky she never killed anyone while driving intoxicated.  She kept ignoring the law and snubbing her nose at the Judge.  Well, as the song goes, who’s crying now. 

New York Post

A judge ordered the heiress to go back to prison to serve out the remainder of her 45 day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case. The reality star came into the courtroom disheveled and weeping. Her hair was askew and she wore a gray fuzzy sweatshirt over slacks. She wore no makeup and she cried throughout the hearing.

Leaving the courthouse, a screaming, weeping Hilton shouted “It’s not right!” “Mom!” she called out to her mother in the audience. A witness said Hilton was “physically escorted” out of the courtroom by a female deputy.  Well, she isn’t smiling and happy now.  I guess she has to cancel the party she was having tonight at her home.  It is shocking that in L.A. there was a judge who believes in the law.  It proves to everyone in America that the law is for everyone and that no one is above it.  We keep forgetting that when it comes to California and Hollywood.  Celebrities in California think there are no consequences for their actions.  Maybe they will rethink that philosophy.  

Fox  

The heiress today was given an early release from jail after serving just 3 days of her 23 day sentence. She was originally sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating probation in an alcohol related reckless driving case, but got the sentence reduced for good behaviour.  How wonderful for her.  She now has to be imprisoned in her mansion with servants and all the luxuries.  This will definitely teach her a lesson she will long remember. 

The LA Sheriff’s department said she has been fitted with an electronic ankle tag and will now be confined to her home for 40 days.  Where she will be pampered and loved.  She will have dogs, her pool and her friends over for parties.  Wow.  This will really teach her something.  There are most definitely two Americas.  One America has rules for the wealthy (especially in Hollywood) and the other America has rules for the  the rest of us. 

Spokesman Steve Whitmore said the decision was made after consultation with doctors and medical experts.  What doctors, what experts, what medical condition?

 Get the name of this lawyer.  He is good.  Very good.

MSNBC

The socialite feasted on lobster, beef and vegetable fried rice at the Beverly Hills eaterie Mr Chow just 24 hours before she went to prison . When the bill arrived, Paris and her family ( heirs to the billion dollar Hilton Hotels chain) said they had ALL forgotten to bring credit cards.  They promised to call with payment details when they got home.  Can you  believe these people go out for dinner and no one has cash or credit card to pay the bill.  They really are different than you and me.  

But two days later the restaurant had still not heard from them and their tab is still in the red.   I know the Hilton family thinks they are different from the rest of us, but really.  Can you imagine going to the Hilton Hotel  overnight and telling the management you forgot the credit card but you will call and give them the number.  What would they do!  Probably not thank you for coming and say they will await your phone call.

 The Sun

Daily Mail

 The heiress looked gorgeous and beautiful in a black dress at the MTV Movie Awards.  She made a quick change and surrendered herself to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department a day early.  She  has begun serving her Los Angeles jail sentence for violating probation.

She was seen in the car on the way to prison with her mother.  She was seen crying and needless to say did not look happy.   She was quoted as saying “This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make… Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence.”  Let’s hope this is a new beginning for a smarter and wiser Paris. 

One can’t help but notice the difference between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.  Paris is always surrounded by family, specifically her sister and mother.  There seems to be a strong bond and she seems able to handle adversity because they are always with her and supporting her.  Unfortunately, Lindsay and Britney seem to be coping alone or with so called friends or strangers they meet (in rehab or elsewhere).  Sad commentary.  

Picture from Daily Mail

“I think my sister 100% deserves to be punished, but it’s kind of absurd that she’s going to jail for a traffic violation,” Nicky Hilton said. Well, I’m so glad she qualified what she said. She and Paris partied away the night (as usual) but Paris has learned something. She wasn’t drinking . 

New York Daily News 

Picture from smh.com.au

dailynews.com

The jail bound heiress has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home.

so sad, Paris Hilton sobs in the car after a visit to her lawyer…