Kevin Federline, who has two sons with ex-wife Britney Spears, received the Father of the Year accolade from Las Vegas nightclub Prive.  K-Fed will be awarded the prize in a ceremony two days before Father’s Day.  According to a source close to Federline, he is considering issuing a pamphlet to share his parenting tips with the other dads who he outshone in the contest: 

• Don’t bang Montessori school teachers on a school night
• No drinking from open containers when kids are in car
• As fun as it is, don’t call the kids S***head and F***face
• Stop using GI Joes to make bongs
• Don’t bang Moms of other kids at birthday parties until after cake is served
• Don’t just drop the kids off and let Amy Winehouse babysit them every weekend
• Ditch that “show don’t tell” approach to telling about the birds and the bees
• When you read Dr. Seuss at bedtime, don’t do it as a rap, it gives the kids nightmares 
• Don’t bang the nanny till kids have gone to bed

 The Age

 

 Kevin Federline celebrated his 30th birthday in Las Vegas over the weekend.  The dancer-turned-musician-turned-actor hit Pure Nightclub at Caesar’s Palace, a popular spot that has also seen parties hosted by his ex Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.    As people often do on milestone birthdays, K-Fed expressed remorse about the goals he hasn’t accomplished.  “I thought by now I’d be divorced at least 4 or 5 times and have 8 or 9 kids, at least 5 of them out of wedlock,” lamented Federline.  “I thought I’d have a Harley with a smokin’ hot squaw painted on the gas tank.  There’s so much left to do – I’ve never had a three-way with players from opposing WNBA teams or successfully brewed beer in the toilet of my Airstream or rented out Graceland for a kegger or won a fistfight with a dwarf.  I’ve gotta get my butt in gear.”   

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