The Danish born beauty and mother of one shows that she’s retained her scrawny supermodel figure as she posed nude for the French fashion magazine Citzen K and their summer 2009 issue.

Entertainmentwise

The actress posed topless for French magazine Paris Match in a raunchy leather outfit. The mother of three is in amazing shape and it looks like this is one little gamble that will definitely pay off for her career. “If someone is shocked by these photos, it’s a reflection of their own view of life, and they should ask themselves why they have that attitude”.

This is London

The life size work ,which was created by New York-based artist Daniel Edwards, shows the actress and mother of six breast feeding two babies while naked and sitting down. The infant twins are meant to represent the star’s own twins Knox and Vivienne.  The artwork, titled Landmark For Breastfeeding, will be shown on the streets of Oklahoma in September.

Mirror

Once there was a poster that electrified the country. Men wanted to own it, and women wanted to look like it. Farrah Fawcett’s swimsuit pinup made her an international sex symbol, helped as much by her signature angel-winged hair as by what came below it. Here, a look at the outtakes from photographer Bruce McBroom’s infamous 1976 sitting with Fawcett

Vanity Fair

The comedian has pushed the envelope once again by posing as Adolf Hitler with a pan of “burnt Jew cookies” as part of a new cover story for Jewish humor magazine Heeb.

She thought this was funny? I guess so.   

Popcrunch

Striking a sexy, shirtless pose for Elle magazine, the actress says she doesn’t mind that her dismal dating life has earned her the label “the lonely girl.” “I’m not going to ignore the pink elephant in the living room. It’s fine. I can take it”.

New York Post

The actor, 72,  was seen enjoying himself on holidaywith friends and family in Saint Jean Cap Ferrat in France. His paunch appeared to cause him difficulty as he struggled to haul himself up a ladder onto a speed boat in the

Mediterranean.  Despite his rotund figure, Nicholson’s allure to female fans appears not to have been dented. He has been photographed bare-chested on numerous recent occasions surrounded by bikini-clad girls younger than half his age.

 ”It’s not so nice when you are 71 and looking for some action. I feel uncomfortable doing it in the limelight.  Happily, when  it comes to girls hitting on me, I’m not undernourished.”  Some things just never change!

Telegraph

The skinny pop star, 50, shocked onlookers as she stepped out in London in a short sleeved top that revealed her arms. With not an inch of fat to act as a buffer, her protruding muscles and thick bulging veins were clearly visible through her ageing and wrinkled skin.

Daily Mail

The singer suffered an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction when her nipple slipped out of her bejewelled bra – which seemed a few sizes too small – during her energetic performance.

She was forced to keep check throughout the whole 45 minute set in Ibiza.   The audience was happy.  

 

Metro.co.uk

 

Roseanne wrote on her blog that “we cannot take care of millions of rich white people on their second hearts and third livers  living until after one hundred years of age! that is the reason there is global warming and every single lack on this earth! Rich white men with cyborg parts running goldman sachs! when someone is aged sixty and gets sick, they need to not go  to heroic measures, they need to die and leave some food for hungry children!!” 

Wow!  Is there anything to say after that.

Roseanneworld

They have been married for 12 years and have three children together, son James Wilkie, 6, and twin daughters Marion  and Tabitha (1 month old who were born via a surrogate) .  They  have decided will live in different locations. Matthew in Manhattan, while Sarah and the children move to Brooklyn. 
A  friend said “it wouldn’t make sense for him to commute into town every day for work “.  Hey, millions of people do it every day. Why not talk about the real reason they are living apart?

Contact Music

The pair first went for drinks at Guy Ritchie’s pub, The Punchbowl, then on to Park Lane’s Whisky Mist nightclub, and ended up at the Wellington Club in Knightsbridge. But the night was not without its problems, as Leo grumpily tried to avoid having

 his picture taken.  Mickey, 55, had to play mediator when they arrived at the Wellington. Leo, 34, refused to get out of his car  unless photographers agreed not to take his picture.  Mickey asked the snappers not to photograph his pal.”  Mickey was saying

 that unlike him, “Leo was an ***hole and he didn’t know how to play the game,” said a photographer. But the snappers agreed  to his request.  Leo is learning from the best.

The London Paper

Rupert Everett said: “I would have leapt at the chance of sleeping with Michael Jackson when I was 14…  I think it was fortuitous that he died.

He was supposed to be doing 50 concerts in London. It wouldn’t have mattered how good or bad he was. He wouldn’t have

managed to do all of them and the press would have destroyed him.  We’re living in very strange times.  We have Michael

 Jackson, a black man who has gone white, and we have President Barack Obama, who is a half-white man gone black.

It’s absolutely fascinating to watch.”  He certainly calls it as he see it. 

Daily Mirror

Omer Bhatti, 25,  is thought to be Michael Jackson’s secret lovechild. He was given a seat in the front row at the King of Pop’s

memorial service. He is now believed to be seeking a DNA test to discover the truth. Jackson reportedly admitted in 2004

that Bhatti was born after a one night stand with a fan.  Umm.  Maybe he did have sex after all once upon a time.

The Sun  

Ashton Kutcher sure likes to kid around.  He must have been bored this weekend and decided to have a little fun with Photoshop and posted a pic to his account of Demi Moore

sporting a fake Mohawk.  “Wifey just got a new haircut,” he wrote. “What do you guys think? I love it.”  Demi was quick to respond… 

“I have the buzzer ready baby!” she enthusiastically replied.  Don’t they have better things to do with their time?  I guess not.

E Online

Lady GaGa (real name Stephanie Germanotta)  wore a coat made out of Muppet Show character Kermit the Frog.

The green furry creation was hung with dozens of the famous frog’s head as the eccentric singer was  interviewed for a German tv show.
I guess she likes a lot of attention.  And she gets it.  Reminds me of Elton John when he was beginning his career. 

Daily Mail

The 42 year old former Baywatch star was only too happy to pose with a nude picture of herself from 20 years ago, which features on the front cover of the latest Serbian edition of Playboy. Obviously, she doesn’t see what we all see.  And its not pretty.

Daily Mail

Bruises, needle marks and a gruesome black wound can be seen in the previously unseen images which were broadcast to millions  on ABC. They had been released by the singer’s father Joe to show his son had vitiligo, the skin-whitening disease, which Jackson had always claimed he’d had. The black wound appears to have been caused where an intravenous line, fed into his leg, was removed and fluids dripped into his lower leg. Normally, IV tubes go into the arms.  Marc Schaffel, a long-time adviser to Jackson, said the star was dangerously addicted to the painkiller Demerol, as well as  to a cocktail of other opioid drugs, such as Oxycontin. “It’s Michael who wanted the drugs — Michael who was doing it. Nobody could stop Michael except Michael himself,” Schaffel said. “If, in fact, the family was able to spend time with him over the last couple years, they would know he was on drugs.”
ABC News

At age 44,  she has appeared in her first nude scenes in The Proposal.  Sandra said appearing in the buff helped the film do well in America and pledged to bare all well into old age.  She said:  “Box office like this – I’m going to be naked in every single film!  I’m going to be 70 years old – everything like hanging down – and I’m just going to walk by in random people’s films. Come on, can you imagine me at 70, walking naked in who’s film? Zac Efron! Zac Efron doing a big film – there I am, running naked in the background. Just back and forth until someone notices. Big box office - they’re all going to want me in their film!’
You have to love this girl! 

Daily Mail

Madonna and her toyboy lover Jesus Luz are set to tie the knot in a Kabbalah ceremony says Luiz Heitor Pinto da Luz, the father of Jesus.  ”He is very happy and this ceremony would just confirm that.”  Why shouldn’t he be happy.  How much does Jesus make a year and how much does Madonna earn?  What a good deal for the cute model.  His father says Jesus is “not one to  be impressed with materialistism”  and Madonna seems “like a normal person”.  Right. 

Daily Mail

Madonna is 50 but she knows what she likes.  And she liked the ass of Amber Rose, the model girlfriend of Kanye West. I guess she decided to see what it felt like.

Daily Mail

The Transformers actress says: ““I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on

the pressures of society.  I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite.

 I would never date a girl who was bisexual because that means they also sleep with men and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

So glad she cleared that up. 

 The Sun

What was she thinking?  The singer’s appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres almost ended in disaster  as her bizarre headgear

almost knocked Ellen out.  The metallic sculpture was so big that Ellen could not get  close to her guest.  I guess Lady

Gaga likes all the attention her crazy outfits get.  Outrageous outfits worked for Cher and Elton John.

Daily Mail

The demo track, Silly Boy, is posted on the net by Rihanna’s rapper pal Kanye West. The song, with guest vocals by

Lady Gaga,, is about a girl who refuses to take back her ex-fella because he didn’t know how to treat her. Sound familiar?

“I said I’m not coming back. You fooled me once but you can’t have that ego turning.
“Just too bad for you, that when you had me. Didn’t know what to do, she’s over you.
’Cause you had a good girl, good girl, girl. That’s a keeper. You had a good girl, good girl but didn’t know how to treat her. ”

I hope Rihanna means this and lets hope Chris Brown got the hint?

The Sun

The British comedian had a burning rash after suffering an allergic reaction to chemicals used in the process to bleach all his hair for his film Bruno, in which he plays a gay Austrian fashion reporter.  He needed emergency treatment. He’d heard that all over hairlessness is a popular trend in the gay community and “Sacha is committed to as much realism as he can muster in his films”.  Unfortunately for the actor ”it quickly turned into a disaster.”

He had a bad allergic reaction to hydrogen peroxide, which is a strong bleaching agent. “It was so severe around a certain part of his anatomy that he couldn’t sit down for three days. He had to make an emergency appointment with the doctors, who gave him some medication to counter the irritation. Crew members found the whole incident hilarious”.  They might have been laughing but Sacha wasn’t.  Realism hurts. 

The Sun

“Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron– they’re just too pretty with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That’s a joke. Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they’re immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties.” 

She’s got a point.   The new Hollywood male stars are all so ”pretty” and they all look the same.   What happened to stars looking like men with bodies that men and women loved.  Remember Marlon Brando (in his prime)  or Kirk Douglas or Burt Lancaster or Paul Newman or Robert Redford or Clint Eastwood or Jack Nicholson.  They weren’t “pretty”.  They looked like men.  They looked like a star. 

Fox News

Madonna went for humor rather than glamour with a sci fi/Western barmaid ensemble for the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit.  She wore an out by Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton which had a ruffled poofball skirt, thigh high PVC boots and a blue headdress (a scrunchie).  This is what passes for class nowadays.  Anyone remember what real class looks like?  It was Audrey Hepburn.  Instead, we get a joke.  But Madonna achieved what she wanted.  Attention. 

Daily Mail

The former Dallas star, 59, pulled a gun on a former maid after she took too long walking the actress’ dog one evening says a lawsuit.  The lawsuit says the actress “aimed the gun at Maribel Banegas and threatened to kill her, even asking another housekeeper who was in the room to step aside so she could shoot Banegas.  Figuring her “death by shooting” was imminent, Banegas locked herself in another room and called 911. Principal stood outside the door the whole time persisting in her threat to kill the plaintiff.  Banegas couldn’t leave Principal’s Malibu home until law enforcement arrived, she says.”   We are still waiting to hear Victoria Principal’s side of the story.   It seems her “real” life is just as eciting as her “fictional” life on Dallas. 

Eonline 

The actor, 35,  could be heard swearing, screaming and threatening a colleague after he disturbed a scene on Terminator Salvation.  The recording became an internet hit, spawning a multitude of dance remixes and a flurry of jokes.  Bale said he didn’t think film fans benefited from hearing what went on behind the scenes.  Oh yes we did.  We got a little “real” glimpse of the real person and not the face you give to the public. 

“Hey listen, I did it, it’s in the public space. I take the consequences for it. I’m not hiding from that. I went overboard. I’m not making any excuses, but there is an essential trust and it’s not a tacit one, which is every sound guy says, ‘We are not only not recording, we are not even listening.’ So, well, there goes that.”  Is he kidding?  He thinks the sound guys aren’t listening when they are recording. 

“I’m not making any excuses. I’m not whining. I do stress though, it’s not in anyway a trust that’s there to cover up bad behaviour. It’s not about that. It’s an essential trust that’s needed for creativity. I just don’t think it’s in anyone’s interest to know that much either…. I look at it as old school movie magic and with magic you do not reveal your secrets.”  I guess your secret is out Christian.  You go ballistic for no good reason. 

Times online

As the song goes, breaking up is hard to do.  Sean Penn filed for divorce in 2007 but the petition was later dismissed.  Three days later, Robin Wright filed for divorce.  In April 2008, the couple requested that authorities dismiss their petition.  But everyone knew the marriage was in trouble.  The constant reports of Sean Penn with other women and some reports even had pictures. 

In February, they attended the Oscar ceremony together and as predicted, Sean Penn won his second Academy Award.  But he did not thank his wife and the mother of his two children in his acceptance speech.  The writing was on the wall.  Everyone saw it but Robin Wright.  Sean told Oprah that he wanted to focus his Oscar acceptance speech only on the professional team, saying if he thanked Robin, he would have to thank his mother and children as well.  Did anyone buy that? 

The Oscar winning actor filed papers requesting that each party pay for their own lawyers.  He checked the box saying he wants the judge to terminate the court’s power to award spousal support.  After suffeirng years of his cheating, now Robin Wright will probably have to fight for every penny.   

TMZ

Julia Roberts may be a major star in Hollywood but obviously she can’t speak unless she says the word  ”fuck” all the time.  She may think its cool but its certainly not classy.  Maybe that’s why she is most famous for playing “low class” people (i.e. Pretty Woman, Erin Brockovich, Mystic Pizza).  Here is the full text of Julia Roberts speech at the Film Society of Lincoln Center 36th Gala Tribute to Tom Hanks.  

“All right, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee, so … everybody fucking likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson], and her tits were here and her waist was here and her ass was all that.. So, what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks — what the fuck? Listen … 

Read the rest of the speech by clicking to New York Magazine

In Hollywood, the sexy look is when you are rail thin and have no hips or in other words, look like a boy. The actress wasi in Hawaii with a few of her pals and was busy sending text messages.  She spent thousands of dollars on Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags. but obviously spent no money on food. 

Us Weekly

Clad in a figure hugging Herve Leger dress, Sharone Stone’s slight figure and bouffant hair caused something of a “lollipop” effect.  A name given to Hollywood stars when their heads are out-of-proportion with their tiny bodies.  Look at the pictures and you decide.

Daily Mail

She takes her clothes off for a living and is now recreating her unique look for the masses.  Wonderbra hired Dita to create her own line of lingerie since she knows what men and women like. The pieces include a mixture of suspenders, thongs and bras. Dita admits she has her detractors because she removes most of her clothes on stage and  “a lot of people think that what I do is anti-feminist.  But most of my fans are women and my whole thing has been about finding sexual power rather than abusing it.”   Unfortunately, most people don’t look as good as she does in underwear or wearing nothing.  But the beautiful underwear sure helps! 

Daily Mail
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Being a billionaire certainly has its perks.  Richard Branson has been criticized for posing in a photo shoot with a naked model, his girlfriend Denni Parkinson.  Like he really cares what journalists have to say.  Branson agreed to model for the risque shot while enjoying a visit to his private Caribbean island, Necker. Photographer Stephane Gautronneau suggested his girlfriend participate in the photo shoot.  “What can you say if you are asked to pose with a naked lady? I only wish I had eyes in the back of my head.”  The Virgin boss, 58,  is seen smiling at the camera while a naked 5 ft 9 in Denni swings from vines behind him. Wouldn’t you be smiling?

Courier Mail

The Miss USA contest turned ugly after a gay marriage question by celebrity blogger Perez Hilton sparked outrage from the audience and “ugly” fights outside.  Miss North Carolina Kristen Dalton took out the crown but runner up Miss California Carrie Prejean garnered most of the attention after her answer to a question  from Perez Hilton. He asked:  “Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalise same-sex marriage … do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”   Miss California said “I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.  No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”  Wrong answer Carrie.  It seems if you don’t give the answer the judges want to hear, you can’t win a beauty contest anymore.  

NineMSN

Rafiq Qureshi, the slum dweller and poverty stricken father of child star Rubina Ali, 9, wants to be a millionaire.  He is SELLING his daughter and demanding $295,000 for her illegal adoption. “I have to consider what’s best for me, my family and Rubina’s future… We’ve got nothing out of this film.”  How low can a father go?

News of the World

Contact Music

She is most definitely hot.  Oksana Pochepa, 24, claims she is the one for Mel Gibson, 53.  Oksana says she is the woman who was photographed frolicking in the surf with Mel earlier this year. The photos sparked a storm of speculation about Mel’s 28 year marriage to Robyn.  Oksana says “This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long lasting.  We are different people, but Mel is a grown man and knows precisely what he wants and me too – I know what I want”.  I am sure the fact that Mel Gibson is reportedly worth $900 million helps a lot.

Robyn Gibson filed legal papers to divorce Mel Gibson, her husband of 28 years, citing “irreconcilable differences” on the day before Good Friday.  Supposedly there is no prenuptial agreement and under California law, community property (which includes earnings) is divided 50/50.  Mel Gibson’s fortune is estimated to be in excess of $900 million which should console his wife somewhat. 

The Oscar winning actor and staunch Roman Catholic, 53, is said to have become close to a Russian brunette on the set of his most recent film, but denies he has had an affair with the woman, a musician known simply as Oksana.  Listen, he’s handsome, charming, funny and extremely rich.  Of course, women are going to be attracted to him.  The fact that he has a wife and 7 children is forgotten on a movie set.   A friend says “In Mel’s mind, it was perfectly natural to have female friends – even if they were beautiful and often far younger than him. It was something his wife needed to deal with as far as he was concerned.”  I guess his wife Robyn doesn’t want to deal with it any longer. 

Daily Mail

Rich Prosecco, sparkling wine in a can, is failing to meet sales targets.  It seems batches of the stuff is languishing in warehouses across the world.  Austrian owner Guenther Aloys says “She is the perfect advertisement for our product.”  You may think so but obviously buyers of the wine think differently.

The Sun

The star who is 5 foot 10 is suffering complications from his pancreatic cancer but he vows “Whatever happens, I’ll work till I die.  His Ghost costar Whoopi Goldberg said on British tv that “He does not have an expiration date on his backside – none of us do – we just know at some point it’s going to happen, and that’s how he’s looking at it.” 

Talk about pluck and determination. A source says “That’s just the way Patrick is. He can’t ignore the cancer, but he doesn’t let it stop him from doing what he needs to do. His weight has dropped to 105 pounds, and he still has stomach problems and sometimes needs help walking. He also suffers from fluid buildup in his abdomen, which he has to have drained periodically. But he’s upbeat and taking everything that happens in stride.”  He is an inspiration to millions.

National Enquirer

Woody Harrelson battles undead zombies in his new film Zombieland.  He compared paparazzi to the packs of undead he confronted in Zombieland.  “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland,  in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.”

TMZ posted a video Woody chasing one of their photographers who followed the actor and his daughter, 12, through LaGuardia Airport.    Police took a report from the cameraman, who claimed Harrelson pushed a camera into his face. The man declined medical treatment. 

Fox News

TMZ

The actress (who has faced media speculation about her fluctuating weight) showed off her body in a sexy shoot for Cosmo.  Mischa bares all in the photo shoot.  I guess this is what young starlets feel they have to do these days. 

Entertainmentwise

As anyone whose seen the Wolverine trailer knows, Hugh Jackman spends a few minutes stark nakers. And as anyone who’s tracked down screengrabes from the leaked film has seen, audiences are in for an eyeful come May 1.  But according to Weapon X himself, there was a lot more on display than we’ll get to see. Hugh said the the director of X Men told him “I’ve got a little present for you. I’ve cut a little bit of footage of your willy and I’ve put it in a bag so you can keep it. The actor said “I’m not really worried” about going nude. “Probably too many skinny dipping parties as a young man.”  Sounds like he had a lot of fun as a young man.

New York Post

We all remember the beautiful girl from Charlie’s Angels with the beautiful smile, the gorgeous hair and the perfect body.   The actress, now 62, is  being treated for anal cancer that has spread to her liver. She has been hospitalized in Los Angeles since last week for a complication from a routine treatment.  Producer Craig Nevius denies reports that “she’s at deaths door and said ”She’s doing fantastic. Her fight goes on. … She’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”  Lets hope not.  

Farrah is expected to leave the hospital in a few days. Her support system includes former partner Ryan O’Neal, her father and Charlie’s Angels co-stars Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith.  Producer Craig Nevius said “Let me tell you what she’s not. As previously reported by everybody, she’s not unconscious. She is not on death’s door. The family has not gathered to say goodbye.”  Everyone wishes her well.

Jessica Simpson is resting and relaxing in Mexico on vacation.  

Hollywood Tuna

A month before its official release in movie theatres, a high quality work print of the movie  X Men Origins: Wolverine has been leaked online.  Here is a gallery of 15 pictures showing the gorgeous movie star naked.  What can I say.  I can’t wait to see the movie on the big screen with surround sound.  Umm.  Delicious.

Perez Hilton

Singers don’t just sing anymore.  They must “put on a show”  And does Beyonce put on a show.  Here is Beyonce performing at the General Motors Place in Vancouver, Canada  as she kicked off her I Am … Sasha Fierce concert tour.  The pop diva was strapped into a harness which allowed her to fly above the crowd during her show.  She looks gorgeous in a short gold costume with high heeled black patent shoes.  Sexy.   Parisian couturier Thierry Mugler designed her costumes. 

The Insider

Heidi Klum’s taking style to new heights. The supermodel, 35,  added 12 inches to her 5foot, 9 inch frame  while modeling a pair of thigh high leather Alexander McQueen boots for a German Vogue shoot.  But she’s not the first star to don killer footwear…

Here are 23 stars and their crazy shoes and/or boot.  It is amazing that these stars are able to walk wearing these styles.  They aren’t even attractive on their feet.  But, of course, the designers do not tell them that.  Picture #17 shows Gwyneth Paltrow walking or teetering in a pair of 6 inch platform stilettos that required a bodyguard’s assistance to get her down a set of stairs.  Hey, why don’t some of the short male stars in Hollywood start wearing shoes that make them taller.

New York Daily News

The press people are hard at work saying Jennifer Amiston is wonderful and friendly and everyone on the set of The Baster co-starring Jason Bateman just adores her.  Not so.  When the cameras stopped rolling Jen is “the Ice Queen.  “Jen kept mostly to herself. She didn’t talk to anyone during the breaks.”  On her first day on the set, she held up shooting because her hair wasn’t perfect.  The cast and crew had to wait to start filming without Jen because she asked for extra time to finishing blow-drying her hair,” says a source.  Heave forbid her hair is not perfect. 

And when the lunch bell rang, “not only did Jen not deign to eat her Cobb salad in the company of her new co-workers, she actually had herself driven to her trailer so she could eat alone”.  Now that’s real friendly. ” Jen refused to “walk even a step outside the restaurant during the break for lunch.  She had her car pull up right next to the restaurant so she could be driven less than a block to her trailer to avoid photographers.”  No wonder she is called the Ice Queen.  burrrr.

OK! Magazine

The exhausted actress reportedly returned home from a long day filming her new movie Salt to find Brad relaxing with beer and DVDs in their bedroom while their six children caused chaos downstairs. Brad’s behaviour is said to have triggered their second big argument.  A friend said “Angelina was completely and utterly exhausted, so when she came home after a hard day’s work and found Brad had apparently done nothing all day except watch DVDs, she was livid.  She went upstairs and shook Brad awake. He was like a bear with a sore head and kept telling her to leave him alone.”  

Two weeks ago, reports claimed Angelina fired their twins Knox and Vivienne’s nanny after she found Brad comforting her in a bedroom. Brad insisted he was consoling the nanny, who was feeling ill at the time. Sources say Angelina slapped him round the face and fired the nanny on the spot.  Since the incident, the couple have supposedly started sleeping in separate bedrooms.  A friend says “Angelina’s put up a wall between them and shut down emotionally.”  Are these stories true.  Who knows.  But if so, the beautiful couple are learning what millions of people know.  Having a job and 6 kids is hard workand exhausting.  The actress complained that she and Brad barely have any time to spend together because of parenting their six children.   Wow!  These stars find it tough and they have nannies and chauffeurs and cooks to help them.  They should think about people who do it all without any help.  I have no sympathy for these stars.   

Daily Mail  

The legendary Beatle, 66,  forgot to check his pants before arriving at a benefit in New York with his girlfriend Nancy Shevel, 48.  He happily waved and smiled at photographers, blissfully unaware that his trouser zip was undone.  I guess his lady love forgot to look him over.   Oops.

Daily Mail

The TV pitchman for the handy household dodads the ShamWow and Slap Chop, Vince Shlomi,  44,  got himself into a very messy situation with a hooker at a hotel.  As detailed in the police affidavit, on February 7th Shlomi punched a prostitute several times in the face after she chomped down on his tongue and refused to let go.

The salesman claimed he me Sasha Harris, 26,  at a Miami nightclub and then took her back to his hotel room at the ritzy Setai hotel, where he claims to have paid her $1,000 after she “propositioned him for straight sex.”  But apparently the business transaction wasn’t what he was anticipating.   When Shlomi went to kiss Harris, she “bit his tongue and would not let go”.  The salesman then proceeded to punch Harris in the face until she finally released his tongue.  He ran, bleeding, to the hotel lobby where security summoned police and both Shlomi and Harris were arrested.  Police found $930 in Harris’ purse, and reported that they both smelled of alcohol says the police report.  Prosecutors decided against formally charging either party but Sasha Harris told TheSmokingGun.com she is considering a lawsuit against Shlomi. 

Well, guys, it just shows you have to be careful who you pick up for the night.  It could have been worse.  She could have bitten down on a much more sensitive part of his lower body.  You know what I mean.

New York Daily News

Joanna Krupa, named the Sexiest Swimsuit Model in the World by Playboy magazine, credits Pope John Paul for her decision to pose for nude photos. “Pope John Paul said, since we were born naked, it is art, and it’s just showing a beautiful body that God created.”  I love her reasoning. 

Fox News

Sexy legs!  Singer John Mayer (widely known as Jennifer Aniston ex boyfriend) donned white hot pants and a sailor outfit to perform onboard the Carnival Splendor cruise ship. The singer is doing hosting duties on the 4 day trip to Mexico which is billed as “non-stop music, contests, parties, theme nights, good times, John Mayer and many more artists”.   Hey, he looks good in this outfit.  Wonder if jennifer is having third thoughts about dumping this clown who sings on a cruise ship.   

Celebuzz.com

The Twilight star doesn’t seem to believe in keeping his body or his apartment clean.  “It’s like, I don’t clean my apartment ’cause I don’t care. I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head. I don’t care if it’s clean or not” and he supposedly doesn’t care if he smells either from body odor.  He supposedly “stinks”.   A source on the set of New Moon said “ I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy. He completely reeks.”   Maybe if enough people tell him he “stinks” he will get the message.  Then again, maybe not.

MTV.com

Married Oscar winning actor Sean Penn, 48,  had dinner with Natalie Portman, 27,  at Sunset Tower Hotel’s Tower Bar on March 17 during which they were “constantly touching each other” and seen “passionately embracing each other” says Star Magazine.  “They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms. “They came back about 45 minutes later, and that’s when I saw them making out” an eyewitness told Star magazine.  “There’s a door outside of the hotel’s Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it’s semi-private. I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that’s when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves.”  Wonder where wife Robin Wright was?   Well,  I guess after all these years she’s decided to look the other way.  So much for the modern independent woman. 

Star Magazine

Cindy Crawford was blessed with long, lean legs and a fabulous figure, but even she has to watch what she eats. In a photoshoot for Allure magazine the supermodel is pictured  tearing up a loaf of white bread.
The caption reads: “White bread may be slang for innocuous, but not for your diet”.

In an accompanying interview Cindy says she still likes her body, 20 years after it catapulted her to fame. “I think I look pretty good for 43, but I don’t look the way I did when I was 23.  I do (have cellulite)  and I never said I didn’t.  I’ve had two kids and I’m 43, so leave me alone!’”  Everyone should look so gorgeous at 43.  And its not the bread.  

Daily Mail

For their special “anti aging” issue, Allure Magazine decided to slather a 43 year old woman in nothing but shaving cream and have famed photographer Michael Thompson take the picture.  Well, that woman is Cindy Crawford and of course she’s gonna look good.  When does she ever look bad? 

Cindy  Crawford tells the magazine that ”In LA, there are 65 year old women walking around in Juicy sweatpants, and from the back, you’d think they were 20. But when you see their hands or their neck, you know.”  Can’t wait to see what Cindy Crawford looks like at 65.  In Hollywood with surgery, botox and anti aging cream, no one ever ages.

Perez Hilton

Demi’s immature husband, Ashton Kutcher, 31, photographed the actress, 46, while she was bending over in a white bikini.  Kutcher wrote to his thousands of followers: “Shhh!, don’t tell wifey.” Kutcher posted a message 15 minutes earlier saying: “Watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!” 

Demi managed to keep a sense of humour about the pictures and wrote on her Twitter page: “He is such a sneak and while I was steaming his suit too!” Gosh, you would think that gorgeous movie stars would have better things to do in the Turks and Caicos islands.  I guess not.  I guess their lives are really boring.  They were there to attend the wedding of Demi’s former husband Bruce Willis.  Maybe they wanted some attention and didn’t want Bruce and his gorgeous new young model wife to get all the press.  Heaven forbid!

Daily Mail

Jennifer Aniston is to star in the comedy The Baster about a single 40 year old woman who resorts to a turkey baster to get pregnant.  Jason Bateman plays her best friend who, seven years after the baby is born, reveals he swapped her chosen sperm sample with his own.  A recent internet posting says the film is seeking extras to insult.  They are looking for a “heavy set woman and rail thin teen boy who are comfortable having profanities shouted at them. ”  Obviously it will have cruel humour.  How sad that Jennifer Aniston is reduced to this kind of film.  

TMZ

LeAnn Rimes is speaking out in light of rumors that she cheated on her husband of 7 years Dean Sheremet.  It is rumored that the married LeAnn Rimes is allegedly having an affair with equally married co star Eddie Cibrian, her costar in the Lifetime TV movie Northern Lights.  LeAnn, 26, responded on her blog that “This is a difficult time for me and my loved ones, but I appreciate all your continued support. I would like to assure all of you that this is a place for you to hear things directly from me and as you all know, not everything in our lives is always black and white.” So, LeAnn does that mean you did have an affair or you did not have an affair?

E!online

It certainly looks real.  But its only make believe. The actress plays a CIA officer in her new film Salt who is on a mission to clear her name after she is accused of being a Russian sleeper agent. She even gets to change her hair colour. But whether long or short, blonde or brunette, straight or curly, she looks great. 

Daily Mail

Even when the baseball star is in Colorado recovering from hip surgery, he manages to grab headlines. In one eye catching photo for Details magazine, he is nearly lip to lip with himself in a full length mirror.  He certainly takes care of that body.   In the interview he mentions his favorite Madonna song then asks that it not be mentioned.   He  believes that revealing the song would lead to its being played every time he stepped to the plate during an away game. “The last thing I want to do is go to every stadium and have them play that song”.  It makes one wonder what song he picked.  Maybe Like A Virgin or Bad Girl or Ain’t No Big Deal or Crazy For You or I Want You or You Must Love Me or something else.  

Details

He was the squeaky clean star of Disney’s hugely successful High School Musical franchise (films and merchandising)  which has grossed over $1 billion in revenues.  But Zac Efron clearly wants to be thought of as a promising mature actor instead of just a PG heart throb. So, he posed in a raunchy magazine spread for Interview Magazine.  He photographs hot.  

Zac was happy with results saying ” I think it went pretty cool. There was, like, a giant sandbox in the middle of a studio, and then I just got to roll around in the dirt for a couple of hours. I got pretty dirty by the end of it, so that was fun.”  Getting pretty dirty with Zac Efron sounds like fun.

Interview Magazine

 Mickey Rourke will play the Russian villain in Iron Man 2 in a Marvel Studios deal that started out lowball and went up a lot.  Emily Blunt won’t be in the sequel and the Black Widow will now be played by Scarlett Johannson.  Scarlett actually screen-tested for the role and didn’t get it.  But rumors say that unlike Mickey Rourke’s money, the deal for Scarlett is “just the opposite, a terrible deal made by CAA”.  ”It’s as bad as any deal that I’ve heard. It’s lowball money. And it ties her to countless movies, including that ensemble The Avengers, which is what makes this brutal for a lot of actors” says a source.  Wow.  When Scarlett Johansson has to sell herself cheaply, we know the economy is bad.  

Deadline Hollywood

Rosario is not a mom yet but says “I think licking is a really great way of disciplining your child. It’s definitely a lot better than screaming at them.  My mom did it to me for punishment, she loves to say that I came (from her) so she can do anything that she wants to me in public. If I was acting out or talking up or just being a precocious child as I was she would lick me and my face in front of all her friends.”  Torturing your children with your tongue …. is that child abuse?

Glamour Magazine offered Lindsay Lohan the chance to dress up as Madonna for their magazine photo shoot entitled American Icons: 7 Decades of Rule Breakers, Risk Takers and Style Makers.  She gave “Like a Virgin” Madonna her all, but lets be clear.  She is no Madonna.  At any age.  Why look at the imitator when all we have to do is pick up a newspaper or magazine or look at a web site and see pictures of the “real thing”. 

Eonline 

The “Lost” actress has been ranked in Stuff magazine’s 102 Sexiest Women In The World, Maxim’s 100 Sexiest Women and People En Espanol’s 50 Mas Bellos. But she’s got a nasty mouth.  It must be that “time of the month”.  She did not look happy.  Listen.

Geno’s World

Her hair always looks the same but I guess that’s what she likes.  Jennifer Aniston spent $56,000 on her hair for the London premiere of Marley & Me. The star, 40, insisted her hairdresser Chris McMillan accompany her on a week long trip to Europe and he made her or the film company Fox pay and pay big.  He flew with her from Los Angeles to London in first class last week at an estimated cost of $20,000 each so she could walk the  red carpet with her hair looking perfect.  On top of this, Chris McMillan was treated to an all expenses paid stay at al top hotel for the 7 day visit at a cost of $14,,000.  It is thought that he also charged up to $2,100 a day for his tress-teasing expertise, pushing up the bill by another $14,800. It is unclear whether Mr.  McMillan, who is a close friend of Jennifer Aniston, was paid personally by her or by the film’s production company, Fox.   Meanwhile, no wonder she always looks good.  She pays a lot for it.

Daily Mail

The rapper, 31, recently declared he was the “voice of this generation”.  He thinks highly of himself because he makes such good music and said  “I do have an ego and rightfully so. I think people should have an ego. Think about it – I don’t offend people, I don’t put anyone down. Do I name names or bring people down? That’s not my thing. But I give myself big-ups. I feel good about the music I make. God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”  Kanye, we all have crosses to bear.  I guess this is yours.  

Showbiz Spy

The New Zealand city of Christchurch hopes that broadcasting Barry Manilow’s smooth and gentle music into the central mall district can pacify unruly teens who congregate there or at least convince them to go elsewhere.  Several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons at the outdoor mall.  The technique of playing easy, listening music has been used worldwide as a way to make places unattractive to youths.

The city council, police and property owners all agree that ”nice” music like Manilow’s Can’t Smile Without You,  Mandy, Copacabana  and other hits might change the behavior of loitering teens. Central City Business Association manager Paul Lonsdale said “I did not say Barry Manilow is a weapon of mass destruction.”   Nooooo.  But you hope he is.

My Way

Rob Lowe, who stars in the tv show Brothers and Sisters, had to give up playing outdoor sports with his family after his bosses were angered by his sunkissed complexion (translation: he looks too dark).  Rob Lowe explains: ”I got a phone call  from the president of ABC who said, ‘You’re getting too dark. Seriously, stay out of the sun.’ I go, ‘I’m not tanning. I’m active. I surf and I kayak.’” ”If you stand next to Calista Flockhart, anybody’s going to look like  Harry Belafonte. I wear (sunscreen) over my entire face and a hat that has a chin strap. I look like the biggest idiot.” Poor baby.  What he has to do for all that money.

Contact Music

No matter what the topic, Jennifer Aniston brings it back to Brad Pitt.  Move on girl.  You are 40 with no interests other than making yourself look good.  You go to the gym and shop.  Do something interesting.   Brad Pitt found someone else and has most definitely moved on.  Why is he fascinated with Angie? It’s easy to figure out.  Angelina Jolie had time in her busy schedule to have three biological children and adopt three children.  She’s concerned aobut something more important than herself, she’s a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency.  And with all her humanitarian work she still has time to give Oscar worthy performances (Changeling, A Mighty Heart).   

When Jennifer Aniston was asked by Elle Magazine  about her split with Brad Pitt (which was years ago) she should have declined to comment.  Instead, Jennifer said  “I don’t owe anybody my side of the story. There are no sides! There is no bad guy and there is no good guy. There are no villains and there is no heroine in this story.”  Right.  So get on with your life.  You are so boring and predictable.  Stop being a victim. 

Daily Mail

Jennifer Aniston doesn’t know by now that every look is recorded on film?  As Michael Douglas announced Sean Penn as the winner for Best Actor, Aniston, who was seated directly behind the Milk star, showed obvious satisfaction that her ex-husband Brad Pitt, who was also nominated, wouldn’t be taking home the honor with an undeniable snicker.  Not classy Jen.  It’s time to move on.   You did look good girl even if you were with that loser John Mayer.  No comparison to Brad PItt.  But then I guess Jen’s options are dwindling.  Watch the video when you click here Fox News

Bono thinks he is such a big star that he can insult anybody and I guess he can.  He was being interviewed with Radio 1 DJ Jo Whiley when Bono called Coldplay star Chris Martin “a wanker” which literally means “one who wanks (masturbates).”  Wanker has similar meanings and overtones to American pejoratives like jerk, and jerk off. It implies the wanker is unable to find a sexual partner. It also means “a contemptible person”.

A shocked Miss Whiley immediately interrupted the star and asked ”Would you like to apologise for what you’ve just said live on my show? “  Bono did not apologize but said  ‘I’m a reformed character, I don’t do that any more. ” Jo Whiley apologized to her listeners saying ”I’m sorry if anyone is listening at the moment who were offended by the words that Bono said. I will apologise on his behalf.”  Bono then continued talking and insulted Chris Martin by saying  “He’s (Chris Martin)  obviously a completely dysfunctional character and a cretin”.   I guess the only way Bono feels good about himself is putting other people down.  

Daily Mail

The burlesque star was asked for a fashion tip.  “Hmm, a sexy sizzle to your look? Well high heels are probably the easiest thing, I would say. Instant glamour. Walking around in heels naked, you don’t need anything else really.”  Sounds good.  Looks good.

Metro.co.uk

During a February 13 taping of VH1’s Storytellers, Kanye West told the crowd, “Can’t we give Chris a break? … I know I make mistakes in life. Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing … He’s a real f–kin’ person; he makes mistakes. O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?”

Kanye, why is O.J. amazing?  For maybe killing his wife and an innocent bystander and getting away with murder.  We all want to hear your explanation.  

MTV.com

Rihanna is not only beautiful but she is talented.  But obviously she is missing a brain.  How else to explain why she is taking back Chris Brown who allegedly beat her so  badly that she had to be taken to the hospital?  “They’re together again. They care for each other,” said a source close to the couple.  One can only asume she likes getting beaten up and bruised.  It must give her a thrill. 

“While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he’s really happy to be with the woman he loves,” the source said.  Well of course he is.  He can continue beating her up whenever he’s in the “mood”.  Unfortunately her daddy is no help.  Daddy said “I love my daughter with whatever road she takes. I’m behind her win or lose. I will be supportive. If that’s the road she wants to choose, I’m behind her. “   Well,  daddy, just show up at the hospital or maybe the morgue.

New York Post

Barbara Walters interviewed the Jonas Brothers and asked the boys to describe one another. Kevin Jonas praised Joe Jonas as an incredible stage performer who has a “Mick Jagger persona” while Joe said that his younger brother Nick Jonas is wise for his age. Nick describe Kevin as “very enthusiastic. And also a dreamer, which is good. And at times kind of challenging, but it’s always fun.”

How Barbara Walters kept a straight face I do not know.  So should we now expect Joe to marry and divorce twice, father children out of wedlock, have girl friends who are sexy beautiful models and get arrested on drug charges.  The Hells Angels once plotted to murder Jagger in 1975 because he blamed them for crowd violence at a concert.  Where is the similarities dude?  

Ace Showbiz

Cher had some words for single mom Nadya Suleman who has 14 children and lives with her parents on welfare. “She just shouldn’t have any of those children as far as I’m concerned… she acts like someone who is not of this world. It’s like, hello, come down to Planet Earth with the rest of us!” 

But Cher doesn’t get it.  This unemployed mom is on planet Earth where being single, unemployed and on welfare wtih 14 children makes you world famous.  And just like a Hollywood star, she is now wanted to appear on tv shows and has numerous opportunities.  For instance, a porn company has offered her $1 million to perform in their films.  And the government is going to pay for her medical bills for the 8 octuplets so why should octomom  worry.  I guess the government is also going to pay for her new home for over $1 million.  After all, she needs someplace to live.  What a great planet this is.

USA Today   

“You probably didn’t see it on the live broadcast of the Academy Awards on Sunday but during her  musical number with Hugh Jackman there was a Beyonce nipple slip. Luckily, it was captured and now we can share it with you.”  What’s more amazing is that 36 million people were watching the Oscars and there was no outrage.  I guess everyone is so used to wardrobe malfunctions that no one cares anymore.  Ho hum. 

Egotastic

Sean Penn backstage said “What I mentioned from the stage is to see this culture of ignorance, it breeds this kind of hateful expression. These people had the [anti-gay] signs (like “Heath in Hell”) outside essentially telling you you’re less than human.” I want them “to turn in their hate card and find their better self.” 

Penn even spoke about President Obama (who has publically stated his opposition ti gay marriage and denounced California’s Proposition 8 ).  Penn said “I would like to believe that’s a political stand right now and not necessarily a future one or a felt one. I don’t think any of us, particularly our president, would long be able to take that position because it’s not a human luxury. These are human needs, and they will be gotten. The day is going to come,” Penn says of gay marriage “and it’s going to come quickly.”  So, is Sean Penn saying he thinks Obama is lying about his position on gay marriage?  Sounds like it. 

Chicago Sun Times

According to People Magazine, Hollywood glamor couple Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green have taken the highly unusual step of calling off their engagement. Hollywood insiders tell us, “This has caused quite a scandal in Tinseltown. Show biz couples aren’t supposed to break up until they’ve either had a baby out of wedlock or they’ve had an 8-month marriage during which they haven’t slept under the same roof for 7 months. For a couple to make a clean break is almost unprecedented – in fact whole offices of attorneys in Beverly Hills are doing damage control to ensure that this remains an isolated incident.”

Rumors are swirling that Portia DeRossi is getting in vitro fertilization so she can get pregnant with her girlfriend Ellen DeGeneres. Good news for Portia – if she has eight or ten babies she won’t have to struggle to get an agent and get bookings on the daytime talk shows – she has that part covered.

Eight simple words guaranteed to boost those Oscar ratings next year: “Tyler Perry presents the 82nd annual Academy Awards.”

John Mayer spoke the truth in an old Rolling Stone interview when he said : “I’m at a point where the more I talk, the more I’m going to damage my career.”  He never learned to keep his big mouth shut.  Didn’t his mother teach him anything.  Other gems from the 2006 interview were “ I’m not worried about how small my penis is — I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.” 

Or Jennifer Aniston must love this comment from lover boy John:  “Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left — just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”  One can’t help but wonder what John is thinking when Jennifer Aniston is giving him a blow job.  Or doesn’t she do that?

Rolling Stone

According to TMZ, octuplet-breeder Nadya Suleman is NOT doing the responsible thing. She has 14 children and no job and her home is about to be auctioned off. So what did she do? She went shopping at Nordstrom’s! I’ve got an idea – why doesn’t Nadya have some cow or pig embryos implanted in her womb, then at least she’ll be on the road to self-sustenance. Maybe if she gave birth to eight cows she could keep two for milk and cheese and slaughter the rest she’d have a way to start feeding her litter of babies.

The Baywatch babe strutted her stuff in a gold bathing suit on the catwalk for the Richie Rich collection (Fall/Winter 2009) entitled Blondes Have More Fun.  She looks like she’s having a good time.  In her own mind, she has not changed since she was running on the beach on the tv show Baywatch and looking fabulous.  But those days are long gone honey. 

I’m Not Obseesed  

As reported in SLH earlier, Lindsay Lohan went to a party while still wearing a store security tag on her dress (no, that’s not “flair” on her hem). More details are emerging – apparently she wore the dress to a club that had a metal detector, and the device detected the security tag. According to one veteran party-goer in attendance, “usually when Lindsay walks into a room the high-pitched shrieking sound is crabs rubbing their chelipeds together in anticipation of mating – this time it’s a security device.”

The housewives on the tv show Real Housewives of New York City are really living in la la land.  These women really have no clue about the economy or the “real” world.   “What was hard for me was giving up my live in maid five days a week,” housewife Ramona Singer moaned.  Another houswife, Countess Luann De Lesseps” admitted that “I’m miss buying my tiaras”.  Alex McCord seems somewhat aware that the economy is suffering and suggested that ”It’s important to go out to dinner”.  I’m sure these women also feel its important to go for manicures, pedicures, and hair styling.  Also they want to help the economy by shopping constantly.

Fox News

Salma Hayek married French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault over the weekend. According to a source close to the Wall Street Journal, marrying a billionaire was a smart move for Hayek to make. “In these uncertain financial times, marrying a billionaire is a very savvy hedge against the recession. Things like the prices of gas, food, and yachts won’t be a problem. She made an excellent decision.” The source went on to say that there are many things you can do to increase your chances of marrying a billionaire. “It’s pretty simple, really. First, be a multimillionaire yourself, and then also be gorgeous, extravagantly bosomy, and not opposed to marrying someone not nearly as attractive as you are. Do those things, and with luck and good timing, the billionaire will fall into place.”

Lindsay Lohan was all dressed up and looked so nice and then we scrutinized her dress.  Oops.  Someone forgot to make sure the security tag was off.  Usually, when regular people leave a store and the bells go off because the security tag was not removed, the secruity guard stops you from  leaving the store.  But, I guess when you are a Hollywood star like Lindsay Lohan they were so mesmerized by her that they either ignored the bells or they didn’t want to cause a scene or they thought “what the heck”.

Celebslam    

Hey, TV viewers, hang on to your hats — NBC has announced the lineup for the new season of “The Biggest Loser,” premiering March 1. The show will star Andrew Dice Clay, Melissa Rivers, Khloe Kardashian, Playboy Playmate Brande — oops, my boo-boo, “Biggest Loser” is a weight loss show — that’s the lineup for “Celebrity Apprentice.” Easy mistake to make…

The Material Girl is the same age as her new Brazilian lover’s grandmother – 50.  The Brazilian blue eyed model Jesus Pinto da Luz, 22,  met Madonna  on a photo shoot.  The hunk’s mortified mom, Cristiane Regina da Silva (who is 14 years younger than Madonna) believes the pop diva has kidnapped her son, snatching him away to a New York love nest and controlling his every move.

Madonna and Jesus spent the Christmas holiday in the Maldives, where her public relations people confiscated his cellphone, according to the Brazilian media.  His mom, a devout evangelical Christian, said she received only a cryptic text message from Jesus wishing his loved ones a Merry Christmas and telling them he wouldn’t be visiting for the holidays.

Sergio Mattos, the owner of 40 Graus Modelos modeling agency, who represented the stud said:  “After the shoot, we got a call from Madonna’s people asking us to rescind the contract because Jesus was going to sign with Ford Models in New York. I thought the whole thing was bizarre because it seemed like they were controlling him”.   He went with the money honey.  Jesus is being introduced to fame and fortune and he obviously likes it.  Why should he continue struggling as a model in Brazil living at home with his hairdresser mom when Madonna can introduce him and connect him to people who can help him.  His mother doesn’t get it.  But Jesus does.  Welcome to Madonna’s world.  She couldn’t control Guy Ritchie but she can control Jesus.

New York Post

This picture of Nadya Suleman was taken eight days before giving birth to the last eight of her fourteen kids all via artificial insemination.   Somehow Nadya and other single moms don’t realize that when an unmarried woman lke Angelina Jolie has a lot of kids (via adoption or pregnancy)  they have the money (Angelina works and makes megabucks), she has help (nanny, cook, bodyguards) plus a male partner (who also works and makes megabuck) to help her.  But obviously Nadya has figured out who will pay for food, clothing, medicine and whatever for her 14 children.  The taxpayers in the State of California will pay for everything.  What a great state!

Meanwhile, the unemployed single mom on food stamps denies having plastic surgery to make her look like Angelina Jolie. Neighbors, friends and family say that’s baloney. The pictures tell the story.  Maybe she’s waiting for her prince (a la Brad Pitt) to appear and save her.  Lots of luck honey. 

TMZ   

LA Times

The Royal Opera House confirmed plans for a lavish show based on the Playboy pin up who married an elderly oil billionaire and died of an accidental drug overdose. Director of opera Elaine Padmore said: “It is not going to be tawdry, it is going to be witty, clever, thoughtful and sad.  The work was not  a documentary about Smith but a parable about celebrity.  It was a larger-than-life American story, it was Puccini’s Girl of the Golden West.  It will be a slice of our times – of America in the pre-Obama days”. 

Hey.  She doesn’t think blonde Playboy bunnies will marry elderly billionaires in a wheelchair during Obama’s presidency.  Who is she kidding.  This story is as old as time.  Pretty blonde plus an older wealthy man equals a soap opera.  It happens all the time. 

The Sun

Madonna is dating a 22 year old male model from Brazil. According to her publicist, the singer is working toward dating younger and younger, “she’s hoping to vette Lourdes’ junior prom dates. The last thing she wants is for her daughter’s first groping to be from someone who doesn’t know his or her way around the Kama Sutra.” Several showbiz insiders add that Madonna will soon be headed back into the recording studio to work on a hot new CD called “Florida Schoolteacher.”

The singer is often mistaken for African American and said ”I’m going to take a DNA test”.  New Jersey’s magazine feted Phoebe as one of Bergen County’s “black music industry greats” along with Stevie Wonder, Ben E. King, the Isley Brothers and Diddy. “I was peeing in my pants laughing.” 

Toni Morrison started it all when she called Bill Clinton ”white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President.  Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children’s lifetime. After all, Clinton displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald’s-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas.” 

Hey, you don’t have to be black to called black.  I guess if you come from a single parent household and were born poor, working class, love McDonald’s and junk food,  you are black.

New York Post

A Sri Lankan man living in Canada got in the Guinness Book of Records by watching 72 consecutive hours of the show “24.” According to sources close to the man, “it was no coincidence that he did it the weekend ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ — which his wife wanted to see – premiered.” Said the man, “I figured it would be less painful to safety-pin my eyes open and pour vinegar in them and drink Red Bull and espresso until my heart was pounding in my chest and I was hallucinating spiders than it would be to sit through another chick flick. This was better than last time, when I mangled myself with a table saw to avoid seeing ‘Fool’s Gold.’”

Jessica Biel hosted the Sci-Tech Oscars over the weekend. Biel was forced to phumfer her way through phrases like “anamorphic de-squeezers” for the audience of gym- and sun-deprived former A.V. Club members. Apparently many of the honorees were quite overwhelmed by Biel and her skimpy outfit – according to a source attending the event, “the show ran two hours late because most of the guys couldn’t stand up when their names were called.”

“Slumdog Millionaire” is being turned into a reality show. According to a reality show producer, this is just the latest film to make this transition. Other reality shows in development include “Midnight Express” and the 2008 TV movie “Will You Kill For Me? Charles Manson and His Followers.” According to industry insiders, the latter had the only pitch meeting in the history of reality television in which executives didn’t demand that the creators “raise the stakes.”

The press hating, paparazzi punching malcontent actor complained to Rolling Stone that “People are spending too much time modeling for some fucking clothing company instead of acting and I resent that. It’s like I’m sorry— are you going to do the Chanel ad today? I thought you were in the middle of shooting a fucking movie.’” 

Penn didn’t name names but since everyone in Hollywood is hawking something he really is complaining about everyone.  Jackie Chan sells children’s clothes, Eva Longoria sells ice cream, Arnold Schwarzenegger sells a Japanese drink,  Nicolas Cage sells pianos, Angelina Jolie sells eye make up, Pierce Brosnan sells cosmetics, Uma Thurman sells fast broadband, Halle Berry sells chocolate, Samuel L. Jackson sells cable tv, Natalie Portman sells shampoo, Ewan McGregor sells mens fragrance, Brad Pitt sells cars, George Clooney sells Toyota, and the list goes on and on and on.  What is his problem?  Everyone cashes in on their fame.  Except maybe Sean Penn.  Some actors can even do two things at once (film a movie and make a commercial at the same time).  I guess that idea is alien to Sean Penn.  

Rolling Stone

Filmonic

The actress said “I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t stand up and check the tush before she walks out the door. I’ve decided I am going to start loving my backside because I don’t know anyone who does that. And for my daughter, I want to be able to say to her, “I love this.”  And lots of men and women are looking at your backside Kate and loving it too.

Daily Mail

People are walking out of writer and actor Will Ferrell’s one man Broadway show. You’re Welcome America.  A Final Night with George W. Bush because of a penis.  To be exact, a large photo of a penis.  In the show Ferrell lampoons George W. Bush and shows a supersize photo of a penis on the backdrop of the stage .  Mr. Ferrell (who plays President Bush) leads the audience to believe the photo is President Bush’s penis.   ”It’s an anonymous but age appropriate public domain Internet penis.  We went on the Web and got a penis.  It’s not the president’s penis, as far as I know, and Will is 41, so we weren’t going to use his,” said the plays director Adam  McKay.

Democrats in Congress are upset and want it known that President Barack Obama has a bigger penis than President Bush.  One congressman was heard to say that “everything democrats do is bigger and better.   Bigger stimulus package … everything we do is bigger.  No word from the White House.  Yet.      

  New York Times

The singer, 50,  has spent so much time and money on his face (especially his nose) but it seems he never paid any attention to his hands.  His hands looked swollen and his nails are discolored.  His fingers and nails show signs of ageing with puffy, reddened skin and prominent veins.  They look like the hands of a 80 year old white man.  It’s a scary sight.  Michael, start wearing gloves again.  

Daily Mail

Sad news for Jessica Simpson – her new movie “Private Valentine: Bold & Dangerous” is going straight to DVD…

By coincidence Jessica herself also went straight to DVD this week – DVD being the Roman numeral representing her weight.

Miley Cyrus is in trouble for taking a picture where she appears to be making fun of Asians. A source close to Cyrus denies the charges saying “it was an homage to Miley’s favorite actress, Jane Fonda. Miley was hoping to be known as Hanoi Montana.”

Hey, the “Circus” tour wouldn’t be complete without a carny.

Now it’s Lindsay’s 14-year-old sister Ali. Looks like Dr. Skankenstein has created another monster…

Goes a long way toward explaining those 12,000 calories a day.

There is no doubt that Jack Black is a funny man.  And there is also no doubt that Jack likes to eat.  And obviously he likes fattening foods.  But  he likes his woman skinny.  His lovely wife, Tanya Haden, is slim and trim.  Obviously they do not partake of the same food.  He’s so heavy that while on vacation in Mexico  his swimming shorts kept slipping down so everyone could all see his crack.  Not a pretty site.  Everyone is yelling and screaming about Jessica Simpson gaining a few pounds and looking like a “real woman” but no one is making a big deal of fat Jack Black.   The rule in Hollywood is: girls have to look gorgeous and skinny at all times.  Guys can be fat and look like a pig and its okay.     

Daily Mail

Well, this is a big improvement from the staff in Bill Clinton’s White House.  Remember Monica Lewinsky.  She certainly didn’t look like this.  Wow!  After failing to make it onto The Apprentice, Ali Campoverdi  became a contestant on the reality show For Love or Money (a dating competition).  She then appeared in a Maxim photo spread, had bit parts in films (anyone see Constantine?), got an MBA, worked as an intern on Barack Obama’s campaign and is now Assistant for a Deptuy Chief of Staff to President Obama.  She must be really talented to move up so fast.  I mean, really talented.  We just don’t know exactly what that specific talent is yet.  Well, Obama promised change in Washington and he is certainly doing that.  As they say, only in America can this happen. 

Gawker

What’s wrong with being “trailer park”?  Well, in Hollywood that is the worst thing you can say about anybody.  If you do drugs, smoke, drink or “ho” that is totally acceptable.  But “trailer park” that is a no no.  it seems when Julia roberts was starting out, she was rejected by the Abrams Artists Agency.  Agent Robert Attermann told Cooper Lawrence (which he wrote in his book The Cult of Celebrity) that his agency made the mistake of not signing Roberts: “Julia Roberts came in years ago and the commercial agent who met with her at the time said, “Nah, she’s too trailer park.”  I’m sure that agent is now singing the Connie Francis song “Who’s Sorry Now”.  

New York Post

What is she thinking!  Some stars at 57 look fabulous and can still wear a bikini.  Think eternally youthful Goldie Hawn.  Unfortunately, Anjelica Huston is not one of those people  Does she honestly think she looks good in this black bikini?    We can see all her fat and bulges.  Cover up!

Just Jared

Kate Hudson, who’s been romantically linked with Lance Armstrong, Owen Wilson, golfer Adam Scott, Matthew McConnaughey, Dax Shepard, Sally Field’s son Eli Craig, hockey player Eric Lindros, and Matt LeBlanc to name a few, told “In Style” magazine that she’s “now enjoying being single.” Hudson’s interview occurred between the 10:57PM dumping of a stunt man and an 11:49PM booty call with a circus clown whose publicist asked that his identity remain private until his divorce is final.

I love these stars and how they think.  Jennifer Aniston supposedly told Hugh Hefner that she “isn’t interested in showing off any more of her body” and turned down an offer to pose for Playboy which could potentally earn her $10 million.  Instead, she decides to pose for GQ in sexy, provocative, practically nude pictures whereby she didn’t make any money.  It must be so good to have so much money that you can do this for free.  Maybe she felt it was “classy” to pose for GQ but too tawdry to pose for Playboy.  Well, it cerainly didn’t hurt Marilyn Monroe. But then Marilyn Monroe did it at the beginning of her career and not at the end.  

Star Pulse  

Jenna Jameson is pregnant. According to sources close to her pediatrician, doctors expect the veteran porn star to be in labor for as much as 4 seconds – after all, said one doctor, “she was up to five centimeters at the time of the conception.”

Scientists are now saying that obesity can be “caught” from another individual in the same way as the common cold.  Well, if that’s true than people should stay away from such stars as Oprah Winfrey, Aretha Franklin, James Gandolfini, Ruben Studdard and Jorge Garcia.  Does anyone believe that being around these people will make you fat?  If that is so, than why is Jennifer Aniston (reportedly a good friend of Oprah’s) still so skinny?  She missed catching the virus!  As did good friend Gayle King.   Oh pleeeeease.

Daily Mail