At age 44,  she has appeared in her first nude scenes in The Proposal.  Sandra said appearing in the buff helped the film do well in America and pledged to bare all well into old age.  She said:  “Box office like this – I’m going to be naked in every single film!  I’m going to be 70 years old – everything like hanging down – and I’m just going to walk by in random people’s films. Come on, can you imagine me at 70, walking naked in who’s film? Zac Efron! Zac Efron doing a big film – there I am, running naked in the background. Just back and forth until someone notices. Big box office - they’re all going to want me in their film!’
You have to love this girl! 

Daily Mail

Heather Mills has plunked down $5 million for a home in the same New York City neighborhood as Calvin Klein and Nicole Kidman.   According to sources close to Mills, she has four bathrooms, a beautiful view and a butler on standby 24/7 whose job is to assure her she’s more popular than Paul.  

New Zealand Herald

Paul McCartney was awarded with an honorary music degree at Yale University last weekend.  According to sources at Yale who insisted on not being revealed, there was one unfortunate moment when Heather Mills showed up claiming she was entitled to half the degree.   When Mills was rebuffed by authorities, she eased her sorrows by disappearing into one of the frat houses, where according to the brothers inside she impressed an impromptu crowd with her “disappearing leg trick.”

popcrunch

Heather Mills has been accused of breaking a promise to provide new artificial legs for a Russian woman.   After meeting the woman who lost both her legs in a train accident, the former model pledged $20,000 – while cameras were on and the press was there –but never handed over the cash, despite repeated promises.  This story has added to the public’s perception of Heather as a greedy, heartless, venal monster, but according to sources close to Heather, there are mitigating circumstances:  “People shouldn’t judge Heather by this.   That $20,000 was very special to her because it was some of the royalties on a song written by her ex-husband just four years before Heather was born.  Either that or it was wages for a threesome with an Arab sheik, she can’t remember exactly, but either way, it’s a chunk of money that represented something very special to her.”     

glosslip.com

Heather Mills gave Paul McCartney an ultimatum to marry her or she would leave him, according to a friend who allegedly spent several months working alongside Heather as a £10,000-a-night prostitute.  Denise Hewitt, who revealed Heather’s determination to marry the former Beatle, additionally claims that Heather had made disparaging remarks about her future husband’s age, saying: “Well look at me, I’m marrying an old man with bigger t*ts than me.”  

According to sources close to the former Beatle, Mills’ words bear an eerie similarity to the words McCartney spoke to the judge in their divorce case: “Well look at me, I married a young girl with a bigger d*** than me.”    

Daily Mail 

Less than a month after her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney was finalized, Heather Mills is already house-hunting in New York City.  While Paul and his new flame Nancy Shevell enjoyed a holiday on the paradise island of Antigua, Heather was checking out multi-million dollar properties in the Big Apple. According to her realtor, Mills has looked at several locations but feels most suited to the OldHo district.

Daily Mail

According to newspaper reports, Heather Mills will be a celebrity judge in the upcoming Miss USA Pageant.   According to a source close to the event, “The pageant is a glorious celebration of beauty, of the vibrance of youth and potential, of talent, of all that is great about humanity.   But make no mistake,” continued the source, “this barracuda is doing it for the money.”

The Press Association

Amazing but true:  Heather Mills, still bitter about getting only $50 million in her divorce settlement, has hired a team of forensic accountants to go through everything and prove that Paul McCartney has $1.6 billion.   Meanwhile, sources close to Paul say he’s hiring a forensic psychologist to dig into the deepest recesses of his mind to try to determine what the hell he was thinking when he married her. 

Daily Mail

Paul McCartney seems to take a dig at Heather Mills in his latest CD – and his huge public following is thrilled about it.  According to some fans, the track “Mister Bellamy” is clearly intended as an anagram for “Mills Betray Me.” Included in the song is the line: “I’m not coming down, no matter what you say.” Another says: “No one to tell me what to do”; according to longtime Beatles fans, these words “have got to be about Heather… after all, she’s the ultimate betrayer.”   Music critics report that shrewd listeners also suspect the line “Go drown in a lake of burning pus, you one-legged whore” could be a reference to Mills, as might be the couplet “While I have Beatrice for the weekend / Why don’t you go dance on a landmine, bitch?”  

Daily Mail

#1 in America:   “Horton Hears a Who!”   

 #1 in England:  “Macca Heaves A Ho!” 

According to sources closes to the British justice system, Heather Mills is to receive a divorce settlement of up to $93 million from Sir Paul McCartney.  Details of the settlement were in a preliminary High Court judgment sent to the estranged couple and their legal advisers.  Asked for comment at an Albany press conference, Eliot Spitzer expressed admiration for the former Beatle.  “Over the course of six years,” said the former governor, “that’s a better hourly rate than I got from my ho.”   Taking a step back, the governor added, “Of course, mine had both her legs.” 

Daily Mail

In an obvious snub of Heather Mills, Paul McCartney performed the song “Live And Let Die” and dedicated his lifetime achievement award at the Brit Awards last night to the woman who inspired the song, his first wife Linda. Meanwhile, according to music industry sources, Heather spent the evening Ferrari-shopping with royalties from the song. 

“I’m going to buy enough legs to become a giant millipede, then I’m going to crawl into Paul’s house and eat his flour and the bindings on his books and his Cadbury bars!  And when he gets up to pee in the night — which he does because he’s old and weak — I’ll be in the bathtub and he’ll see me out of the corner of his eye and he’ll be terrified!  He’ll try to swat me with a magazine but my legs will be made of super-hard acrylic polymer and I’ll wave them at him all at once like those tentacles that hang down in a carwash.   Once I’ve beaten him to a bloody pulp I’ll escape out the window and go to America where everyone will be nice to me and Yoko and I will be best friends and I’ll have a new line of perfume.”  

accesshollywood.com

From Dear Old Blighty comes word of increased tension between Paul McCartney and the jitterbugging phlebotomist.  The latest squabble is over their daughter’s schooling; the former Beatle is determined that four-year-old Beatrice should not be educated privately when she starts in the autumn.  Presumably Heather is concerned that if the child is exposed to the lower classes, she could meet a scheming venal whore who’d try to milk her for her money and fame.  

 Daily Mail

The man with whom Heather Mills had a six month affair while she was dating Paul McCartney has revealed that the amputee had an unusual erogenous zone – her leg stump.  According to her ex-boyfriend, film editor Tim Steele, “she used to massage one particular area and it gave her an orgasm.”   So after all this time and controversy and research, it turns out a woman’s G-spot is located below the knee behind the shin-bone, in an area only reachable by amputating her leg.   Damn.

In this explicit photo she pulled down her top to expose her breats and opened her legs wide in this classic porn magazine pose.  Heather Mills flaunted her private parts in this sordid picture.  Across the pages of the magazine, a pouting Heather boasts: “I’m gonna drive you crazy with my body…”.   How can she deny these pictures?  A month ago, the estranged wife of Beatles legend  Paul McCartney went on TV and cried and ranted hysterically that newspaper stories of her porn past were untrue.  She was a “glamour model”.  The pictures say otherwise. 

News of the World