Oscar nominee and gorgeous movie star, Brad Pitt, 45, attended a photocall in Paris as part of his tour around the world promoting The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and forgot to zip up his fly. As the Parisians would say, ohhhhh la la.  Women everywhere started to fantasize.  They fantasize about zipping him up.  And taking a look and a feel and then doing other things as well using their hands and mouth and tongue.   He has a partner, kids, nannies, bodyguards, and an entourage of heaven only knows how many people and no one tells him to zip up.  You can’t tell me no one noticed.  Or maybe they thought it would be fun to see him embarrassed. 

TMZ

It’s been revealed that Brad and Angelina’s recent twins were conceived with the help of in vitro fertilization.  Brangelina is said to be so pleased with the “twofer” that they’re investigating other technologies that can allow them to expand their flock faster.   According to a source close to the couple, “Brad and Angelina are considering buying an abandoned doll factory in Mexico and having it retrofitted to produce human babies.  Brad also recently purchased the Superdome in his adopted home of New Orleans and is having it renovated so it can hold close to a thousand ‘mommy-coops,’ where surrogate mothers can do outboard incubations of Angelina’s eggs and Brad’s sperm.  To minimize paperwork on international adoptions, Brad and Angelina also bought the QE2; they have it anchored in international waters so the mothers can give birth and the babies can be brought ashore in tenders.”  The source added, “The philosopher Schopenhauer said that riches and fame are like sea-water; the more you drink the thirstier you become; Brad and Angelina are okay with their money and fame, it’s just babies they want more of, lots more.”    

NY Daily News

Angelina Jolie has given birth to fraternal twins, a boy named Knox and a girl named Vivienne.   Grieving over the lost opportunities for placements, international adoption agencies have declared a day of mourning.  Also many Third World countries ordered their citizens to slow down their feverish unchecked breeding now that Brangelina will have less time and resources to adopt the overflow. According to a source close to a major Pan-Pacific adoption agency, “Things were already slow because of copycat adopter Madonna’s divorce.   We’re hoping the Hollywood people who blindly parrot the actions of celebrities will pick up the slack, but for the kids, it’s not really the same.  I mean, being adopted by a William Morris agent and his wife who’s in a play in Sherman Oaks is not the same as winding up with Brangie.   Who knows, you could even wind up in public school or eating in chain restaurants or going to birthday parties with under-$100-range-gifts.  This is not what we want for our kids, but I guess it’s any port in a storm.”   

LA Times

The world is abuzz about how rich Brangelina is now that they bought that mansion in France.   On top of the reported $65 million the pair is spending on their French villa, there are armed cars and helicopters and they’re spending hundreds of thousands decorating the nursery with chandeliers and organza bassinets.   To top it off, Brad Pitt flew to Switzerland and bought three pieces of rare furniture for half a million dollars.   It seems kind of silly to buy a coffee table for 300 grand when you have six kids, but I guess once you’re that rich, you hire a nanny just to take care of the table, and if she does a good job, maybe she can get bumped up to walking dogs or feeding cats and if that goes well, one day she can be allowed to take care of Zahara or Shiloh.   

 msnbc

There’s now a bidding war for the first photos of Brangelina’s twin babies, and the price is already up to $15 million.  I expressed my feelings on this issue a couple months ago in regard to J.Lo, and because I hold my opinions on the subject in such high regard, I’m going to take the liberty of cannibalizing myself: 

Jennifer Lopez got $6 million for photos of her twins.  Christina Aguilera got $2 million.   People, get a grip.  There are 350,000 babies born every day, and unless you’re the parent, they’re basically interchangeable.  Babies scream on planes, they hog the world’s supply of mashed lima beans, and they grow up and take jobs from Americans.  When people read People, they want to learn about celebrities, not about the bawling little monsters that are going to wring out the celebrity’s breasts and change her from a booty-shaking hotcake into a homebody.  The magazine is called People, not Unformed People!   Plus, once a celebrity has a baby, all she’ll talk about is how much more important the baby is than her career, and to people who love celebrities, that can be very insulting.  When it comes to celebrity babies, they should be not seen and not heard.    

contactmusic.com

Angelina Jolie says she “bought original, real guns of the type we used in Tomb Raider for security. (I’m) not against having a gun in the house, and … yes, I’d be able to use it if I had to.” And in a related story…

it’s a big article about how Brad Pitt thinks pregnancy is sexy!   Y’know, that’s probably a smart thing to tell your hormone-crazed, heavily-tattooed girlfriend who’s pregnant and doesn’t have a ring yet but keeps a gun in the house and isn’t afraid to use it…

China Daily

Vanity Fair

Brangelina has plunked down $70 million for a 35 bedroom estate called Chateau Miraval that comes complete with its own vineyard, swimming pool, moat, lake and forest. According to a source close to the couple, they like the house although they’ll eventually have to expand it so each child can have their own bedroom.   “For the time being the kids will room together alphabetically,” said the source.  “The ones from Laos, Lesotho, Libya and Liberia will share a room until Brad and Angelina can scrape up a few bucks to bump out the east wing.”

Daily Mail

Brangelina and the kids are holed up in Microsoft cofounder Paul Allen’s villa on the French Riviera while Brad hunts for a permanent home and Angelina prepares to give birth during the summer.   The couple loves France; according to a source close to the couple, “they’re eager to really live there full time – they love the language, the food, everything.   They’re also anxious to switch over to the French economy because it’s tougher and tougher to buy orphans in bulk with the weak U.S. dollar.”

 New Zealand Herald

Sources in a position to have information regarding a secret wedding ceremony between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie confirmed to Star that the couple married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday.   A source close to the couple added that “if you’d like to get the couple a gift, you can’t go wrong with an orphan.” 

Star

Former President Clinton and Brad Pitt met with hundreds of volunteers in New Orleans at the site where a foundation headed by Pitt plans to begin building affordable homes for Hurricane Katrina victims.   Pitt is known for the extensive work he’s been doing in New Orleans over the last year; Clinton admitted that his primary reason for getting involved was that he desperately hoped to see the headline, “Bill and Brad Double-Team Big Easy.”

Seattle Times

“Julia Roberts held a viewing party at her house for the A Mighty Heart dvd in which Angelina Jolie plays the wife of slain journalist Daniel Pearl, who was killed by terrorists in Pakistan in 2002. When the film was over, she promptly told guests that she could have done a better job in the starring role as Marianne Pearl than Angelina did. Maybe she thought she would have looked better as a person of mixed ethnicity, because you know she would have had no ethical issues with wearing dark makeup for that role:

Julia Roberts invited friends to her new Malibu home to watch the recently released DVD of the film and after sitting through every minute, she gave Angie a resounding two-thumbs-down, reveals a source. “‘I would rarely say this, but I think I could have done a better job with this film,’ Julia announced to her friends. And they loved her reaction,” says the source. “Angelina isn’t exactly the most loved person in Hollywood.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 3, 2007]

The article goes on to say that Julia’s husband Danny Moder worked as a cameraman on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and personally watched Angelina work her magic on the then-married Brad.

“Danny told her it was obvious that Angelina was making a play for Brad,” says the source. “People on the set called her Spider-Woman because she was spinning a web for Brad. Julia said Angelina had no shame. She’s made it pretty clear that she doesn’t hold Angie in high regard. Julia’s definitely on Team Jennifer!”

 Celebitchy.com