A statue of Amy Winehouse has been unveiled at the legendary Madame Tussaud’s London wax museum.  A source close to Winehouse said, “Actually the wax version of Amy is much easier to deal with.  It doesn’t slap fans, doesn’t get weird rashes on its face, and stands still instead of wandering around and bumping into walls like a Roomba.”  

People

 

Amy Winehouse has been diagnosed with emphysema.  The illness is a result of damaging her lungs from smoking crack.   Sources close to Amy’s drug dealers are saying this news could be the impetus the singer needs to take the bull by the horns and get off the pipe and on the spike. 

bloomberg

 

Better have those nurses frisk her beehive – she could have a bottle in there.   Occasionally you’ll meet someone who actually matches their last name – the physical quality that got their ancestors that name in the first place has been faithfully handed down and is intact.  Like someone whose last name is “Short” and they are, or someone whose last name is “White” and they are.  But usually it’s only sex industry professionals who have names that actually fit who they are, like Rod Long  or Dick Thick or Garth Girth or Mindy Melons.  But Amy Winehouse – she was born with that name and it really couldn’t be more perfect.   One lament – if she can have the last name Winehouse, it’s just too bad Charlie Sheen can’t be named Charlie Whorehouse. 

China Daily

 

Amy Winehouse has apologized for a video which shows her singing racist chants to the tune of children’s song  ‘Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’.  In the chant she replaced the words with ‘Blacks, pakis, gooks and nips’ followed by: ‘And deaf and dumb and blind and gay.’    Despite Amy’s apology, a source close to the singer thought there was nothing to be sorry for.  “Oh, come on, cut Amy some slack,” said the source.  “It wasn’t Amy, it was just the liquor talking – and the crack and heroin and crank and ice.  And the pot and acid and meth and Valtrex.  And the opium and hash and gasoline and coke and cough syrup and glue.   Don’t blame her.” 

stuff.co.nz

Clad in underwear                                                                             

Bald, drunk, staggers in the yard    

Just like my grandpa.

 

Amy Winehouse visited her husband Blake Fielder-Civil in prison yesterday, and to prove to the press that the passion is still very much alive, the songbird proudly showed the media the love bite that he put on her neck.   For those concerned with the health consequences of the hickey – according to a source close to Winehouse’s insurance agent, Amy is one of the few people in the world whose life expectancy was unaffected by a bite from a guy who takes heroin in prison. 

Thisislondon

Amy Winehouse’s record label is telling her she better clean up her act, or they’re going to drop her.   To bloggers, this is an ice pick to the heart.  Britney Spears cleaned up and she went from delivering 12-15 stories a month to one.   Only by the sheer generosity of Amy’s hijinks have we been able to fill the gaping abyss left by the former Mouseketeer.  Amy, of course we want you do well and be healthy, but please don’t become a water-drinking poofter just yet.   Don’t leave us in the lurch like Britney did.  Let us put it in a way you’ll understand – Amy, you’re our stash, and we don’t want to go to rehab either.

nzherald

Amy Winehouse is set to move for the third time in four months because she claims she’s being tormented by demons in her new apartment in North London.   According to a source close to Winehouse, there are definitely some kind of ghosts at work.  “The wine cellar must be haunted because every time she comes back up she’s shaking.  And when she leaves the opium den, she’s all glassy-eyed.   When she leaves the smoking room, her eyes are always bloodshot.  And when she comes up from the meth lab, she’s always extremely agitated.  There’s absolutely something bizarre happening.”     

 showbizspy